Hey Steemit,

When I posted my poorly-written introduction, I talked about how I was joining the Air Force via the Air Force Reserve Officer Training Corps (AFROTC). Recently, due to a number of both personal issues and administrative concerns, I made the decision that I would no longer be pursuing this career.

I want to make something crystal clear before I begin: I have the utmost respect for the patriotic men and women fighting for our freedom. I do not intend any disrespect towards them, my fellow cadets, nor the cadre (officers and non-commissioned officers who operate the ROTC programs). Please mistake my frustration for the system as neither disregard nor blatant ignorance of the sacrifices these men and women are going to and have already made.

"Thanks to ROTC, I was able to get my life back on track."

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Joining Air Force ROTC

I decided to join ROTC because I needed a kick in the ass. Sure, I felt the call to serve my country, and I desperately wanted to fly for them, but my primary reasoning was a desperate need for order. I needed this order, structure, and a reason to get up early every morning. During my first semester, I was losing my grasp on how much control I had over my life. I was waking up late every day, missing classes, and not studying for my exams. I focused too much on other peoples' problems and drama without doing a thing to rectify my own failing situation.

I heard about ROTC through one of my friends who had joined at the start of the year. He told me how it kept him in check and that was why his grades were doing so well. He was also incredibly fit and far less exhausted than I was.

One day, without consulting my parents or adviser, I walked into the cadre's office and stood there waiting to speak with the Staff Sergeant on duty. Now, there is one thing about me that many people told me would cause me a world of hurt later on in the air force: I am colorblind.

I plan on writing about how ridiculously pointless the color deficiency rules are in a different post in the future.

I am "moderately deutan color deficient", which is based solely on a "find the number in the blob" test. I hate that test, because it's highly inaccurate for real life situations.

I will speak on that later, but I had hoped I would pass the exam and be able to fly for the Air Force. I was so wrong.

I was still accepted as a cadet into ROTC because there were careers available to me despite my "flaws".

The First Weeks

My first weeks of ROTC were stressful, to say the least. No one likes the new guy, and I had limited time to memorize all of the "warrior knowledge", as it is called, before I would be tested on my knowledge. I was fortunate enough to be put with some very helpful and positive individuals. I was the least fit of my flight and no one in my flight gave me a hard time for it. I was motivated but not embarrassed. I understood that they believed in me and that I had a chance to get into shape and prove myself.

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At this point, if you are still reading, you may think to yourself that, as my title suggests, since I had all these people behind me, I am letting them all down. And you would partially be correct in that assumption, but you do not have all of the information you need to understand my situation.

I worked my ass off to improve as a cadet. I went to the gym as often as I could between schoolwork, studied my warrior knowledge everywhere, and even joined the Arnold Air Society. It was from this 'club' that I really became close with one of my now best friends.

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Physical Training

I enjoyed PT most mornings; it gave me an excuse to work out and be motivated with an incredibly supportive and just amazing group of people.

I swear I am not a masochist despite my love for Sally-Ups. They just motivate me to keep going through the pain of push-ups, pull-ups, or attempting anything remotely related to weight-lifting. Though I am no longer in the ROTC program, I will continue the same regimen I kept up during my brief semester as a cadet.

Now, for anyone familiar with the AFROTC PT exercise routines, you may say that it's not really a workout. So let me say two things to put this into perspective for you.

Before I joined ROTC, my only exercising or working out had come from playing sports like soccer and Ultimate Frisbee. I used to do long-distance running, but never anything requiring me to have strength.
It is expected that cadets go to the gym on days PT is not offered.

There were days that PT was difficult, and there were days it felt lighter than normal. It was a mixed bag and varied depending on attendance for the day.

Our Physical Fitness Assessments, or the PFA's, were the scariest days of my time in ROTC second only to Open Ranks Inspection (ORI's). We were required to run, perform a number of perfect-form push-ups, and to perform a number of perfect-form sit-ups. In order to pass, a cadet needed to score a 75/100 on the test, while also getting a passing score in every category. My first attempt I scored a 26/100.

Yes, it's a hilariously low score, but not of my own doing. The cadet counting my laps around the track miscounted and had me run an additional two laps, causing me to fail the running portion. Unfortunately, the running portion is also roughly 60 points on the assessment. I also failed the push-up portion, though that was my own doing as I could hardly lift my body off of the ground more than 15 times. A passing score was 32 push-ups in one minute.

Regardless of my low scores, the cadre, my flight, and the other cadets never gave up on me. They encouraged me to work harder than I had ever before, and on the final PFA I scored a 92.4/100 overall. Because of the support I received from the majority of the cadets, I was able to accomplish what I thought I couldn't: I was getting in shape again, despite my constant late-night Taco Bell squad runs.

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Why I'm Leaving

"You do know you're going to be disqualified because of that, right?"

I love ROTC. I love the cadets, the cadre are incredibly supportive, and I'd wanted the Air Force since I was very little (It hadn't been on my radar for years, which is why I joined second semester). To be honest, I really wish I could stay in the program. And here is the part of the post where I might seem a little biased.

I'm leaving because of DoDMERB. The Department of Defense Medical Examination Review Board is the entity that evaluates a cadet's ability to serve our country as an officer.

For starters, I am ever so slightly colorblind. This means I am ineligible to fly at all for any main branch of the armed services. I figured there was something else I could do in the Air Force, but it soon became clear my options were limited.

However, DoDMERB was the final straw. I had been trying to contact my medical technician to discuss my remedial paperwork. I thought all they wanted was more information regarding some obsolete issue I had when I was only a year old. I then brought up the fact that I had seen a therapist after a traumatic event in my life.

Believe me when I say that the event did not permanently mark me. I recovered and saw the therapist a few more times to clear up any lasting questions or emotions. I was discussing this with a technician when my main technician interrupted me saying "You do know you're going to be disqualified because of that, right?".

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The people who are at the DoD doing this kind of work don't actually care about circumstance. If you had any issue at any point in your life, to them you might as well be missing an arm and be blind. Sometimes I wish I hadn't been so honest on my application, where I could have left out the incident. However, my Jesuit education taught me to hold integrity above all else.

I understand their reasoning for this, don't get me wrong. I understand the importance of having our troops mentally fit and always alert, something that those who have been through therapy might not be able to uphold.

I know many other cadets who have been burned for the same reason under the same process, and it's terrible.
I have the opportunity to apply for a waiver from the Colonel, but it's not looking promising and I don't believe I will ask him anyway.

What Now?

Now, I am moving forward to a different branch of the Air Force. I was put in contact with the local Civil Air Patrol (CAP) squadron, which I will be applying for. The best part for myself, is I will get to fly!

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Sure I'll be flying a Cessna 182 instead of an F35-A, but I get to fly and that's enough for me.

I will continue my fitness regimen so I can stay in shape. I plan to study my ass off to get straight A's.

Thanks to ROTC, I was able to get my life back on track.

Final Remarks

I know this was a long article, but I needed to put it out there.

I wish all of the cadets I am leaving behind success as they go off to Field Training this coming summer. They are an incredible group of people who supported me and encouraged me to push my limits as far as I could go. I'm sincerely going to miss everything about being a cadet. It saddens me deeply to think about not having ROTC in my life anymore, even if I was only blessed enough to experience it for the few months I had it.

There will forever be a void in my heart from the men and women who put up with my 150-ish behavior and for those who truly made a positive difference in my life from ROTC.

I want to express as accurately as I possibly can how much of a difference a semester in ROTC made in my life.

Thank you for reading.

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