![1.jpg](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/nickydee/23xVKNFg2RGmy1LXCm6rQLfTegLsT6Gpi1TnJFwbtbRWfe5h9ELCzYBxMMsRsHvVF6Fqa.jpg) _{Photo by Kristina Flour on Unsplash} ![full-swirl-hr.png](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/nickydee/23swdrkwbteNyHRNqNNPnng89qrkHyo1Ttq18GdFZooTeaas5W17ZHpbAdQxsKe2JyZmB.png) We live in a world that seems to demand constant engagement and ongoing response at every moment. Thing is... we're usually so busy frantically trying to keep up that we often blindly react instead of choosing how to consciously respond. And I reckon this is where a great deal of Western society's problems currently reside. But I'm not an expert. I'm just a gal who is maybe old enough to share a bit of her experience 'round about now. And this doesn't even mean it is worthwhile to anyone else. Or that anyone else is even interested in it. But I'm also wise enough to know, now, that this doesn't matter either. Those who it may benefit from the sharing will find it. And I'll benefit from the sharing regardless because... well... connection is the point. For me. > And it's not even about me at the end of the day, even though it *seems* to be all about me... almost always. ![sb-hr-1.png](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/nickydee/23tbMLFkuPWfWoXnEzao1zUCBKT4f3vzXrdcAsZVFHAU63UiFYy5jNnNDmEZvfVbynoAU.png) Despite this interest in human connection I tend to take extended breaks of isolation and silence. Carl Jung said it, as he said so many other very relevant things regarding the human experience, really well: > Solitude is for me a fount of healing which makes my life worth living. Talking is often a torment for me, and I need many days of silence to recover from the futility of words. - Carl Jung I relate to this deeply on so many levels. In fact, as I've grown to know myself better with age, I've come to understand I not only enjoy my solitude and the silence it brings but that this is an *absolute necessity* for me to *be* the best version of myself. For myself and for those around me as well. And I think the spaces in-between do that for all of us, in fact. ![sb-hr-1.png](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/nickydee/23tbMLFkuPWfWoXnEzao1zUCBKT4f3vzXrdcAsZVFHAU63UiFYy5jNnNDmEZvfVbynoAU.png) We call this time out "*the in-between*" quite commonly nowadays. The philosophical concept of "[liminality](https://link.springer.com/referenceworkentry/10.1007/978-1-4614-6086-2_387)" as it is less commonly referred to. It can be seen as a kind of "waiting" and, I supposed, it is in some sense. But it is also, in my new found experience, very much a form of "doing" as well. A form of "becoming" as much as it is a form of "letting go". Which are both pretty much a part of the same process if we are growing and progressing, aren't they? But us humans have been taught to be oh *so* productive that we are missing a great deal of the most necessary parts of the journey, in my (sometimes opinionated now) opinion. And this because we've been taught to avoid the quiet and silence to such an extent that we aren't familiar or comfortable enough to allow either to do their work. [Or for nature to take it's inevitable course](https://peakd.com/hive-199275/@nickydee/you-can-t-hurry-time). This ends up with us getting to a point in the future... where we haven't really learned what we maybe needed to figure out before we got there. It's kinda like being employed in a senior position in a business without having worked one's way up to that position of authority. Or being able to buy your way into a position of authority without the life learning to make good use of it for the right reasons, I guess. You have the perks of the position without important knowledge you may have acquired if you'd taken the longer route to get there. And this means... very often... that one has to circle back and do it all again to get it "right". The same can be said about life and its experiences. Sometimes, in life, we have to "sit" with the things we would prefer to avoid... to ensure we move through them fully, make sense of them fully, learn what we must from them fully and so... leave them behind us permanently. > Unless we need to refer to them in the present to make use of the learning of course! But us humans are often not taught how to do this at all anymore. And I reckon this is where a great deal of Western society's problems currently reside as well. ![sb-hr-1.png](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/nickydee/23tbMLFkuPWfWoXnEzao1zUCBKT4f3vzXrdcAsZVFHAU63UiFYy5jNnNDmEZvfVbynoAU.png) ## Toby is gone

![20220828_183248.jpg](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/nickydee/23wMh7LbvThPcX8NehqKrJL9KiQmWkq2iYJ2oSK9X51zhnAMUMZaHvGDFrUtzJmkBB5FR.jpg)

[Toby passed away peacefully](https://peakd.com/hive-106316/@nickydee/the-smell-of-unconditional-love) while I held him on Sunday 14th August 2022. So I have been quiet around here, [not only because the bugs turned out to be just one tick that floored me ](https://peakd.com/humor/@nickydee/that-day-the-bugs-moved-in-day-1-and-2)(and if I had known more about Lyme's whatever I may have not let things get as bad as they did), but because... at this point in my journey I know enough to know that sometimes the best thing I can do is to quieten down and Be Here Now. Grieving ***properly*** requires this in full. And this is what I have been busy doing. And by busy... I mean slowing down and staying as present as possible for the process. But, once again, us Westerners are generally not taught ***how*** to grieve. ![sb-hr-1.png](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/nickydee/23tbMLFkuPWfWoXnEzao1zUCBKT4f3vzXrdcAsZVFHAU63UiFYy5jNnNDmEZvfVbynoAU.png) I find this sad when grieving is, arguably, one of the most important and fundamental aspects of *living*. And, thus, is one of the most important skills to learn. Because grief is, unquestionably, the single most complicated process a human being will experience. And if it is not done well a person can remain stuck in the process for years. If not permanently. I know this (for myself) because of my own ***experience***. I took the time to attend a workshop on grief ***twice*** because I saw immediately that the process was bigger and far more complex than the one attendance could encompass. For me and my endless questioning. So I requested to attend it again to get a more concrete understanding of grief. So that I could assist others with it professionally as much as due to my own endless curiosity and desire to learn. And to understand more. I also had personal experience of what happens if grief is avoided after my father's suicide. His passing was (largely due to Western concepts of suicide) never discussed and, thus, was never properly grieved or let go of until many years later when I understood more about how (and ***why***) to do this. ![sb-hr-1.png](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/nickydee/23tbMLFkuPWfWoXnEzao1zUCBKT4f3vzXrdcAsZVFHAU63UiFYy5jNnNDmEZvfVbynoAU.png) So I haven't been away, I've been *necessarily* a bit more "still". I haven't been away, I've been fully present in fact. Being *still* is a marvelous super power. Both to heal and, also, to further personal growth and understanding. What this recent slowing down has also done, is it has given me the opportunity to step back and see a bit more how things are "working" around here. I guess if you move more slowly you just naturally see more of your surroundings. > “Contrariwise,' continued Tweedledee, 'if it was so, it might be; and if it were so, it would be; but as it isn't, it ain't. **That's logic.**” - ― Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland Enough to have also made me a bit quiet for a while... as the behaviour of us humans sometimes does. And questionable human behaviour always seems to be driven by the same motivation... Fear. ![sb-hr-1.png](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/nickydee/23tbMLFkuPWfWoXnEzao1zUCBKT4f3vzXrdcAsZVFHAU63UiFYy5jNnNDmEZvfVbynoAU.png) It's in the spaces and the silences that real understanding often takes shape, you know. It's in the stepping back a bit that you get to see a clearer bigger picture. I also know, being an older wiser human now, that this is ***always*** a good thing. For everyone involved. But more on this to follow... maybe. This post is about Toby. Otherwise known (by my son and I) as "Da Best Boy eva."

https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/nickydee/23y8zAv255mywbD8sbJ9gbqMxjZCQoCaF7BWg4EDVPG5vzBbZtHBerPhaficS5K84JNMq.jpg _{Toby, 2013-2022}

May he rest peacefully. I'm glad we got to say goodbye even if it was devastatingly disappointing that he didn't get well again. He will be sorely missed. Forever ❤️ And that is okay... Now. ![sb-hr-2.png](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/nickydee/23swa9Kf2xybAQJqAVCK34pBBg8rFpr94U3LrsXV3DqCBh8hccpqnjj99hzVCPo52SF7T.png) _{*A snippet from "The Book That May Never Be Written" on grieving...*} **The Accidental Theory**: A journey to freedom

![tat cover.png](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/nickydee/23wWxriuLd4Pvb9BbvJGi8ArC3kvfJyTyvSV9sHDV9oQgusoTLp5pTzn2MrEwtUaRRB4p.png)

Sarah stops at the once was bar that now serves as a kitchen counter and leans on it heavily as she breathes in the silence and emptiness left in the wake of his passing. In quiet observation she notes her instinctive desire to turn away from the moment. To busy herself with something. Anything. Anything to distract her from the ache in her chest. From the loss. From the reality of the Now. But she knows too much to turn away from fear, pain or discomfort these days. She knows that nothing is going to take away any of what she ***must*** walk through, to really be free from it all. And in full. Any distraction from the pain of this present moment is just a diversion from the path towards peace and acceptance *in* the present moment again. Anything she uses to avoid the pain of the present moment only lengthens the process of the necessary processing that allows any fear, pain or discomfort to subside and recede in full. Any distraction, in many ways, only draws the discomfort out and makes it seem even more unbearable. More powerful. More frightening. More intense. It's the nature of the mind to focus even more intently on the things we are trying to avoid... ![sb-hr-2.png](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/nickydee/23swa9Kf2xybAQJqAVCK34pBBg8rFpr94U3LrsXV3DqCBh8hccpqnjj99hzVCPo52SF7T.png) *Eternal Seeker
Hardened Dreamer
Mother
Warrior
Determined Dancer
and Stargazer

still...

Beyond fear is freedom

And there is nothing to be afraid of.

_{To Life, with Love... and always for Truth!
Nicky Dee}* ![sb-hr-2.png](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/nickydee/23swa9Kf2xybAQJqAVCK34pBBg8rFpr94U3LrsXV3DqCBh8hccpqnjj99hzVCPo52SF7T.png) Originally posted in Silver Bloggers ![8DAuGnTQCLptZgjHUrRAJGcW4y1D4A5QVJJ7zjzqqKdfVHSS6NapSCC8BmeEmMLJjZ3Ay6ahoJwssXgqZaZAz1weCJqXTDJS7jiyAzvV4ip1EfDfjcmTrJxfQXKBB55UswnRypVyLRj937mVugivi4gmyVU4KuRzsojArTUzpdC.png](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/nickydee/23tSKZccrAvtcHMpLD7JfEdngLqQxqHcBv6YS64yNT1efcUNdC9L6bWhQCpJzmHt6uPSc.png) Feel free to
[join the community here](https://peakd.com/c/hive-106316)
or say hello in the
[Corner Coffee on Discord here](https://discord.gg/6bnX2MMpat)