Don't get me wrong, we are all guilty of comparing ourselves to others. Whether we are wishing that we want to do something that someone else is doing or thinking we are better than someone else, neither thought will make us happy. In fact, making comparisons and judging belong to the list of biggest culprits blocking our happiness.
Wanting to do and be like someone else is demoralising and feeling smug is not a nice feeling when we think that we are superior.
When you see photos posted on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter or wherever, of like totally amazeballs parties, fantastic jobs, beautiful bodies, photos of people in exotic locations, pictures of 'normal' people with celebrities, delicious nights out, generally living an amazing life, you begin to wonder why these photos not of you. Why don't you get invited to brilliant parties, why don't you get to fly to far flung places, or get to do anything rather than what you are doing right now.
You are comparing your reality to a fantasy. The comparison will never make sense as you can't compare apples to apples when you compare yourself to someone else. You can't compare a beach to a Jack Russell – it's a dumb comparison as they are not similar things.
Aside from that, what you don't see is all the mundane stuff, photos of them looking bored sitting around waiting for something to happen (or pictures of them mastering photoshop, so it looks like they are having a whale of a time). You don't see their insecurities or them doing the dishes.
Let's look at another example that happened in my own life recently. I see a perfectly manicured Mom, with her two really behaved kids at the park, whilst I look a complete state and my kids are running riot screaming, but having fun. I think she must be a better Mom then me, well organised and her kids do as they are told and that makes me feel horrible about myself and my abilities as a parent.
Except I can't compare myself to that other Mom, as I don't have all the information. I don't know:
- whether the kids are always that well behaved – maybe two minutes before I'd seen this 'perfect' family they'd just been told off.
- If the kids are generally well behaved outside, but absolute terrors at home.
- If the mom has just treated herself to a much needed pampering session, so that is why she looks perfect
- If the mom needs to 'put her face on' to help her cope throughout the day
- whether it is actually the mom who has got the children today, it could be a babysitter or older sibling
- what else is going on in their lives.
Given these and a whole host of other factors I would not have a clue about, why would I compare my parenting skills to this other Mom? It's irrelevant, we are just passing in a snap shot of time.
The only thing I should be focusing on as my role as a mom is doing as good a job as possible looking after my children and enjoying every moment I can. Enjoy learning about them and me on our life journey.
Ask yourself do these snap shots determine your happiness? Do they really show what life is about?
NO!
Happiness is about appreciating what is going on right now, not wishing or fantasising that you are doing something else. You can really enjoy life by appreciating as many moments as possible. That is what we should focus on in life – the walk, learning about ourselves, keep taking steps forward and by stopping the comparisons, we will enjoy the journey of life more.
In the same way, we don't need to be better than anyone else, the secret is to love who we are, where we are and what we are doing.
It is just as easy to judge others, why are they so fat, shouldn't they exercise more or why are they still smoking, have they got no self control? Thoughts like these suggest that these people are to blame for their problems. A judgement here makes us dislike someone and feel disdain as we feel they do not help themselves.
Why not instead try to understand the person? Have we not all struggled with bad habits, felt bad about ourselves or had troubled parts of our lives? We all know what it feels like to feel hopeless, or to go through difficulties wondering if our situations will ever change.
We can't know what the person we want to judge is feeling, but we can imagine what they might be going through and hope that their suffering will end soon.
We are good people and so are they, so by comparing and judging we are turning something good into something bad.
This is todays entry into Challenge30.
Image Source: Pixabay
Let's all spread some compassion, hope and hugs :)
P.S All the STEEM and STEEM DOLLARS from this post will be donated to @verbal-D to help with this: