Dear Steemit Friends: I owe you an explanation. Four months ago I dropped off the face of the planet.
Image from Unsplash
First of all, I feel compelled to say I’m sorry.
Steemit, and this community, came to mean a great deal to me for the months that I spent time here reading, writing, and talking with all of you. I loved it (still do), and the real issue came when I unknowingly bit off WAY more than I could possibly chew by starting The New Alchemists. Read my official community close-out post here.
As I mention in the post, I started TNA at the same time that I underwent a major professional transition from salaried to freelance work. Here I am, all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed talking about it in a post from a few months ago. The thing is: it IS awesome being freelance and I totally love it. However, working under client deadlines, accommodating last-minute requests, and learning how to find time to do things I love (hiking, cooking, adventuring, netflixing) is an ongoing process.
As soon as I got TNA going I started to realize that it was going to take a LOT of time to do it right. Overwhelm set in. I started missing deadlines I’d set for myself, falling behind schedule, and feeling like I was always letting someone down on the platform. Steemit had been fun - an outlet after I did all my other work - but it wasn’t fun anymore, it was another set of deadlines to meet and I couldn’t. Time and again I had to prioritize paid contract work.
Eventually I just stopped posting entirely - both on my personal page and the TNA page. I dropped out of Discord. I told myself I would take a few weeks to clear my head, reset, and figure out the best way to move forward. Then the summer happened - a series of trips, and hikes, and happenings - and Steemit didn’t happen. In the back of my head, I continued to feel guilt because I’d just left the community without saying anything. This all feeds into my general anxiety, which is enflamed by my desire for perfection and order - neither of which I had achieved.
I think it can be powerful to admit failure. I definitely failed at getting TNA off and rolling.
However, with some time and perspective, I realized that I still love steemit. I love using this place as a creative outlet to talk about the things I’m doing, the places I’m going, and the art that I’m making. I love interacting with people here, reading about what they’re up to, and getting to meet new friends from around the world. I’m stoked about the possibility inherent in cryptocurrency and how it can effect artists.
Maybe I don’t need to run a community - maybe I can just be an active participant in the one that already exists here.
So, that’s where I’m at, and what is up. I wanted to let you know, because it seemed to matter. Thanks for reading and stopping by! I’ll be getting back to speed here on my personal account, and would love to see and chat with all of you.
BIG LOVE, Lily