Secrets - what makes them so interesting for kids?
Secrets have a magical appeal to children. For parents it often gets exhausting when children whisper to each other and answer questions with "This is secret!". Between the ages of three and six, the desire to have their own secrets is particularly appealing to children and parents should watch this development step with serenity.
For children, secrets are their first inner property, something that is not shared with everyone, especially the parents. With this they make an important step into self-employment and self, which exists independently of mother or father. They find their own identity and live out their creativity with secret fantasies.
Beautiful secrets in preschool age
An image that nobody is allowed to see or the secret hiding place for sweets are often the first secrets that preschoolers have. It's not about hiding anything from your parents to avoid consequences or sanctions. At least if a child does not have to be fundamentally afraid of punishment, if it has broken a mistake or something. The child at this age is about exploring the nature of a mystery. Only later, at about the age of eight, secrets are shared with friends and then have a connecting function. Sharing something secret increases friendship and trust.
Bad secrets out of fear
From the elementary school age, children can hide something from parents even when they are afraid of being punished. Bad marks, the broken bike or other unpleasant facts are then hidden. When this happens, parents should take a close look and wonder why a child is afraid of confessing mistakes. At this age it is also possible to talk to the child about what he fears and to dispel these fears.
Secrets deserve respect
Children need not only external, but also inner freedom and this includes secrets. Parents should respect this and not feel guilty or even punish the children. Harmful and a breach of trust is when parents sniff their children behind to learn their secrets or show an exaggerated curiosity. However, it always depends on the nature of the secret. If a child comes home with an injury, parents should insist on finding out the cause. Even humiliating situations such as bullying or sexual assault have to be discussed openly. In order to give the child from the beginning the necessary confidence that they can also come to the adults with it, the respect for the little secrets, understanding and attention lay the necessary foundation.
Secrets of others - not a matter of the child
As attractive as their own secrets are for children, it is so distressing for them if they have to keep something for themselves and can not tell others. This also applies if the parents have something that should not be recounted, such as the compulsion of other children not to reveal certain things. Especially in the case of abuse and mistreatment, pressure and threats lead the child to keep the bad things to himself. An atmosphere of respect and trust in the family often prevents such stressful situations. Children learn to differentiate through the parents' early careful handling of secrets.
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