CHAPTER 17
A Strange Meeting.
INTERSTELLAR NEWS CHANNEL 9 NEWS FLASH
In the wake of the Federal Navy’s defeat at the Dagnabbit system, the security council of the Federation today announced the appointment of a new Grand Admiral to take over what is being referred to as the Coffee Bean war. Grand Admiral Bush Jr. has promised a swift resolution to the conflict and ordered the conscription of all independent Federation member navies to bolster his forces. General Jee has been placed in charge of all security forces within the Inner Systems by the Federation Security Council and given the power to order martial law and use deadly force against any who show support for the Ick traitors.
Alienbutt stood staring at the small robot. It was about two feet tall and roughly human shaped. The smooth oval head was featureless apart from a single robotic eye at the centre in a dull silver colour like the rest of its body. Snoodgrass stood next to him with a grin on his face.
“To help you out we’ve fitted the robotic spy probe that received Wickede’s message into a robot body and updated its programming. It will be able to interact with the ship’s computer and take you to the exact spot where it received the message for you to set course. This robot is state of the art but has a level of conscious thought that is unique, and we still don’t understand how it came by this.”
Alienbutt didn’t look convinced about his new shipmate, having a natural dislike of robots of any kind.
“I thought Admiral Frederick said the thing was stir-crazy, Snoodgrass?”
“Not at all Piestoff, it’s just a bit odd because of its ability to think for itself. It will be a big help as we’ve fitted it with loads of little tricks for all eventualities and it has a high artificial intelligence too.”
Alienbutt turned to look at the ship he was to fly. Here he was happy; a small forty foot Interstellar Raider. The ship was sleek, fast and manoeuvrable with enough fire power to offer good defence against all but the largest ships. The ground crew had just finished loading the hold with equipment that they hoped would cover any problems that might arise. For the last two hours the head of the development team had run through the workings of the F.T.L. drive with Alienbutt, and after hearing all about its believed workings and how they thought it should react, Alienbutt had finally asked where the start and stop button was and then walked off to ensure that the whiskey had been safely secured.
As he stood inspecting the last of the cargo to be loaded with Snoodgrass he watched the robot spy probe walking up the ramp onto the ship, It walked with the uncomfortable gait of a toddler who had just found its feet, always looking like it was about to fall over.
“Does that robot thing have an identity number, Snoodgrass?”
Snoodgrass looked over to where it was just disappearing into the ship. “It’s taken to wanting to be called Kirk, by all accounts.” Snoodgrass shrugged. “Are you certain that you don’t want a co-pilot, Piestoff? There are plenty of pilots who would jump at the chance.”
Piestoff shook his head and then grinned. “I’m looking forward to being able to fly without the butt plugs in and if I have anyone along they would only complain.” The last of the supplies was loaded and the hold doors shut. Piestoff turned to his friend and put his hand on his shoulder. “I’ve told Grommit and Killashandra to keep an eye on you and make sure that you’re looking after yourself, Snoodgrass, I know how you forget to sleep and eat when you get to planning. Now bugger off and let me get going as I’m crap at goodbyes.”
Snoodgrass grinned and watched as Piestoff wandered over to the ship and up the ramp. He just prayed that when he saw him next Wickede would be stood next to him.
Alienbutt climbed into the pilot’s chair and fired up the engines. Looking over his shoulder and down at the floor, he sighed at the space where Poodles should have been.
“Ya daft dog,” he said to himself, smiling sadly.
Lifting off he headed away from the station towards the Ashia Minor sector, the only relatively safe route out of Ick space. The robot Kirk wandered up into the cockpit and stood silent for a moment. “Are we approaching our destination yet, Sir?” he asked in an electronic voice that Alienbutt knew he would find very annoying as their journey continued.
“We’ve only been in the air for five minutes, robot,” he answered.
“Could you call me by the name Kirk, please, Sir?” he responded, Alienbutt looked around and down at him. He supposed that the Ick made him so small so they wouldn’t have to look up at him.
“OK Kirk, but you call me Alienbutt and not Sir, and is there any way to make your voice less robotic?”
Kirk cocked his head to one side as if considering the request. “I am afraid not, Alienbutt. Could I ask you a question?”
Alienbutt nodded as he began to program the flight controls.
“Do you like to watch films? I have an extensive range on my hard drive. There’s nothing like a film to help pass the time.”
Alienbutt looked back at the robot; he instinctively knew that this conversation was going to set the whole tone of their relationship.
Kirk pressed on, taking Alienbutt's silence as approval.
“I have got all the Star Trek films; we could watch them in order.” The robotic voice almost sounded pleading.
Alienbutt looked back at the computer screen and finished setting the auto pilot; he just knew that this would be a long voyage. “I’ll think about it.”
He had never really watched films. They were mainly a human pastime and only available on pay per view out in the Sloppystool system. Growing up they couldn’t afford the holo-screen to watch them on and later he had either been working or drinking so he didn’t have the time.
“You will not regret your decision Alienbutt,” put in Kirk, almost sounding excited, in a robotic monotone sort of voice.
Over the last five days Alienbutt had watched two of the films a day and realised two things. Firstly he should have asked Snoodgrass how to turn off the robot Kirk, as the bloody thing never stopped talking, especially about Star Trek. Secondly, the films were quite entertaining but the best thing about them was they stopped the robot talking; giving Alienbutt some much needed quiet time. He had plotted a course to avoid any Ick fleets and especially those of the Federation so when his sensors picked up ships entering the system they were in, he quickly began to program the ship’s computer for a jump to light speed. Half way through setting the coordinates his ship was hailed. Pausing, he opened opened communication.
“Commander Alienbutt, if you continue to program your computer to jump to light speed then I will be forced to destroy your ship.”
Alienbutt finished putting in the co-ordinates.
“I will give you no more warnings Commander. I just want to deliver a message and then you can go about your business.”
Alienbutt paused in the act of pressing the button, then moved his finger away. “You had better be quick, I’ve an appointment with my tailor and he hates it when I’m late.”
To be continued.
thanks for reading, all images are mine.