This is the key to a new me!
Exclaimed my work colleague, Mad Jamie, as he flumped down in an empty seat next to me.
I was halfway through my lunch and did not appreciate his random interruption so I gave him with my dog chewing jerky face in the hope that he would run away.
No such luck.
He wobbled his wrist at me, on it was a slim purple rubber band with a thick bit at one side. Like a rubbish watch.
Fitbit.
He stated with the same air that iPhone owners used to have when pulling their phones out before it became embarrassing for them.
No thank you, I am having my lunch.
I stated whilst purposely not looking at him. Instead, attempting to focus on my spicy chicken sandwich with extra jalapenos. There were few delights that I treasured more than a spicy chicken sandwich during working hours.
I hoped he would get the hint and beat it.
He didn't.
Fitbit. With this, I can say goodbye to old fatty at forty and hello to six pack city.
I gently placed my chicken sandwich on my desk as if it was a baby I had just gotten to sleep after a three-hour awakening during the night.
Six pack city... Who even says stuff like that? You think having a thing that counts your steps will get you a six pack? Try doing some proper exercise.
You are just jealous. Yesterday I did over 12000 steps. You know, I was only passing your desk on the way to the toilet and thought you might want to get in on this. It's the future of getting fit you know.
I sighed with no little impatience.
Those aren't real steps you know.
Mad Jamie squawked as if he were a parrot that had just been told his friend in the next cage was actually just his own reflection in a mirror.
Yes they are!!
My cat probably does 12000 steps and he is a right lazy fat thing.
Mad Jamie looked affronted, as if by mentioning cats I had crossed a line.
He stood.
You should get one you know. You aren't getting any younger.
He puffed up smugly at this winning comment and got up.
He walked away covering who knows how many thousands of imaginary digital steps. I couldn't resist getting up and following him.
He looked irked as I caught up with him.
Go on then, how many steps have you done today?
I asked with a cheeky grin.
He looked as if he was about to tell me to chase myself but he just couldn't resist showing off how amazingly fit he was becoming by counting his steps on his rubbery arm device.
He stopped and tapped it.
5724.
He said with a shameful degree of pride.
5724 eh! Well, why don't you carry on to the toilet and back and we will check to see how many steps it records, I mean the toilet isn't far?
He looked at me distrustingly for a moment.
Alright then.
He headed off.
A couple of minutes later he came back.
How many now then?
He looked down at his wrist. A strange mix of emotions contorted his face as if he were a badger being chased by a dog.
It doesn't matter, you are just jealous.
He stalked off.
I sniggered and shouted out after him.
I told you, they aren't real steps!!
What about you? Have you succumbed to the craze of the fitness tracking? Do you religiously count your steps? Do you ever stop to wonder how you could have done so many when all you have done is watch TV all day?
Tell us your best tales in the comments. I will be there to listen!
Authored by @meesterboom
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