Greetings. Last evening it came to my attention that one of my many nemeses, a filthy little green gremlin who shall remain nameless, had attempted to start a beef with me through a music video. I have no intention of responding in kind. He can sing all he wants. In fact, I hope he sings while I crush that furry, wrinkled, green dome of his.
There is one problem... I can't find the little weasel. He's the second most powerful Force wielder in the galaxy, so he should be really easy to find. Unfortunately, I hear that some stupid tree he lives near masks him from detection. What a wussy! He is literally hiding behind a tree. Good thing for him though, because if he weren't in hiding, he'd be wearing his intestines as a a necklace right now (assuming he has those).
I was planning on letting it go, but I couldn't sleep last night. I couldn't get that catchy and taunting song out my head. "Run, Run, Run, Run. I can be a backpack while you run." It's so freaking annoying. I figure the only way I'll be able to get that song out of my head is to replace it with the sounds of that tiny decrepit frog begging for mercy. "Spare me you must. Greatest Force master you are. Miss Piggy I sound like. Begging you I am."
Yeah that would be sweet!
So I guess I really need to find him. My assistant Vera, who could probably lasso a small moon if I asked her to, did a little research and found some of that twit's "posse". I hunted one of them down so I could get some information.
There is seriously nothing behind those eyes.
Clearly nobody's home.
We all know I can be very persuasive, but this little idiot just wouldn't give up the location of his pal. Every time I choked him, he screamed, "That tickles!"
Then I would stop for a moment so that he could catch his breath and answer my question. Instead of answering, he would screech, "Again, again!"
So I obliged.
He just kept laughing and wailed, "You did it again!"
This fury little creep was clearly insane. But I had to keep trying. Finally he begged, "Give Elmo a break. Please!"
I figured he'd finally had enough and would betray the slimy toad. But no. He just stared at me with those vacant eyes. I tried one last time. He squealed, "Elmo can't stop laughing!"
Although that may have been true, there was one thing I was able to help "Elmo" stop... breathing.
I never did get the location out of that freakshow. But that's not the worst of it. Now, not only do I have that stupid song stuck in my head, I also have the piercing sound of that furry psycho's laugh stuck in there too.
On the upside, I did get a nice new rug.
Who's laughing now moron?
If you see the wrinkled little gremlin, let me know. Providing his location will help your galaxy avoid any Imperial entanglements.