This is my first entry into #comedyopenmic challenge. I have been experimenting with a few comedy characters and this is the first of them, right out of the box, on his debut, original to steemit. Let me know what you think in the comments section.
BadBoyBaker is a multi-talented media mogul, self-made internet entrepreneur, Drum n Bass DJ by night, mashup baker by day. He's set to take over the world and show them Muppets on 'Great British Bake Off' just how it's done!
I'm thinking of making some full Dtube vlog recipes in character but well BadBoyBaker just got out of Brixton nick so he's keepin it on the down-low for now.
So why bagels? BadBoyBaker is showin his skillz straight up, making the OG of the bread making world right off the bat.
I would love to tell you that this is an ancient family recipe, handed down from mother to son in the 'BadBoyBaker' family line, that I'm now passing on to my bredrin on steemit. Nahhhh, I originally found the recipe on the internet here. I have spent years perfecting my bagel Kung Fu though and I'm about to ‘give it to ya, raw with no trivia’ just like the Wu-Tang Clan.
So, without any further jibber-jabber, here comes the BadBoyBaker.
Throw your flour into a mixing bowl and then add your sugar!
Add the salt, keeping all that crystal shiz on one side of the bowl. Why? Because the cultures in the yeast can be effected by the salt if they come into contact at this point. Don’t mix your substances people!
Add the yeast, other side of the bowl from the salt and sugar and prepare the 300ml of warm water, about 100ml boiled to 200ml cold from the tap. Nice!
You may need to add 2 or 3 tablespoons more water to get that dough humming.This is where we amp up the difficult, it's time to kneed. BadBoyBakers productions have prepared an informative video dropping mad BadBoy science on how to kneed when you kneed to kneed, ya feel? 😉 😜
- The next thing you gotta know is that the flow of your gluten is just right, aighttt! There are two ways, you can test the bounce-back or if you're feeling adventurous try the windowpane method.
- After kneeding that dough and letting it know just who... is... boss, ya gotta let it rest!
Oil a clean bowl, then let the dough sit in a warm place for an hour or until it has risen to twice it's original size. Then punch that BadBoy, punch it down and knock the air out of it. Give it a happy slappin. Then let it rest again for another ten minutes.
- The next step is to slice it up!
- Cut the dough up in to eight pieces then follow the method outlined in the video below to form the dough into balls. The method in the original recipe doesn't work, so this is the second of the BadBoyBaker top tips. Recognize!
- OK, now that you got them perfectly round balls of dough, it's time to get sensual. Flour up your finger and ease it gently through the center of each ball. Spin that bagel round ya finger until the hole is the right size and lay them all down on a greased baking tray to rest and rise for 10 minutes.
Now to stage 865. Grab a large sauce pan, a chopstick and spatula. Heat up a full kettle of water and fill your sauce pan at least half full. Turn the heat up, until it's boiling gently and set your oven to preheat to 425ºF / 220ºC / Gas Mark 7.
This is where the baking voodoo happens! The chewier you like your bagels, the longer they need boiling each side. I started at 1.30 minutes each side and then graduated to 1.45 minutes. Don't start more than 2 mins/side unless you want jaw ache like a Pill-head after an all night rave, ya feel! Check out my boye Stevie throwing shapes after one too many chewy bagels.
The easiest way to transfer the bagels to the pan is to use a chopstick through the hole and keep spinning it while resting it on the palm of your hand. This way the hole gets widened just before the bagel is dropped. Next, boil them BadBoys. I time it with a stop watch and use the spatula to flip them and remove them from the water.
- Final touches to ensure your bagel is slammin and sure to get you noticed around the estate, add some sprinkles! Brush the top of the bagels with egg wash. Or for my vegan mashup posse, cause I know you guys go mental if there isn't a V option, you can dissolve some corn starch in boiling water and use that as a wash. Add your fav sprinkles:
- and then bake in the oven for 20 minutes turning the trays once to ensure that they're browned all over.
I would like to nominate and give big ups, shoutouts to buttcoins + krazypoet and challenge them to step up to the #comedyopenmic 🎤😆
All images/GIF's on this post are mine apart from the one of Stevie raving it up sourced from giphy.com which you can find here. The music used in the videos was sourced from http://freemusicarchive.org - free to use.
