Today I did some soul searching with my twin sister.
We spend a lot of time together, as I have been staying at her place the last couple of weeks.
She felt and noticed that I haven't been happy lately. And believe me, she knows me better than anyone.
After lunch, I wanted to go for a walk and asked her if she felt like coming along. During this walk, we had a good talk and she said something to me that nobody has said before.
A thought I've often had myself:
"I think you are depressed."
I think she's right and I might have been so for a long time.
What was on my mind last week
I was considering returning to Spain to house sit a cave house in Granada for three months.
A place with four dogs and three cats. But, to be honest, was this really what I wanted? I felt it was more of an escape than a serious option. Even though Granada has a special place in my heart -I lived there for a while in 2009 - I am looking for more than an escape. I am looking for something with perspective, a future.
Back to today
A little earlier this afternoon, my sister showed me some pictures of a little house in Portugal with a plot of land. She is planning to move to Portugal with her boyfriend and two kids
next spring. The house seems a little small though for four people and she asked me:
"Wouldn't 'I' like to live there?"
I started smiling immediately - something that isn't easy for me these days - and answered
I sure would!
And, instead of just laughing about it and being what other people would call 'realistic',
I started seriously considering this option. Not just that, a couple of hours later, I sent an email to the people who plan to sell that house. Let's see what it leads to.
I might have very little money, certainly not enough to pay for that house and plot of land but it's extremely cheap and if they're willing to sell to me, I will do my utmost best to get the money together. I truly believe I can make it happen!
Half a year ago:
I returned to Holland from El Hierro, Canary islands. I felt extremely relaxed and ready to deal with whatever came my way. Today, I feel the same way I've felt often the last decade or so. That positive feeling I had inside, is disappearing fast and I am becoming a mediocre version of myself. I feel like I am stuck in my home country, The Netherlands, once again. And that thought just depresses me (pun intended). No matter what I try - and believe me I did - I just can't get used to the way of living back here and the weather doesn't help either.
The potential near future
A place like that little house in Portugal, where I can live off-grid, self sustaining, working on my little land, would just be perfect. And you know what, it's possible.
My next step is to find someone who wants to accompany me. Preferably a woman, seeking a similar kind of life.
Who wants to join me?
P.S. The pictures in this post are of the house and land that I'm talking about.