Three posts in a day – no, not my thing – and apologies, but some things need to be said in real time, especially when it comes to emotional expression, which y’all already know I am pretty big on. Take it or leave it, that is who I am, what my blog comprises of and amongst a few other slices of life there is always a thread of the “real me” - for the probably five of you that actually read it at any rate… (the perfect place to offload really)
Some of you are no doubt better at math than I, and would have done the calculations already. I recently made the decision to end a nine year relationship… Never an easy thing, right?! – No matter the circumstance or detail. But it happens. Yip, happens it does… and normally more than once in the lifetime of most. So here I stand!
After asking “said individual” to leave, I was NOT expecting him to contact my dad and want to talk. Let me back up a ‘lil… ”communication” or lack thereof, being probably the most crippling aspect of our relationship, I had to chuckle a little when my dad came and showed me the message sent to him, because I have spent near a decade trying to talk… my dad looked at me with a face of “what do I do here?!” – I said, dad – do whatever you choose, it is none of my business… he contacted you, not me. This does not negate my general thought on the situation, which went something like this:
I mean, communication does not deteriorate without lack of communication - fncking hell, is this concept actually complicated for some?! - Apparently so. Most annoying for me though, is when people have a complete inability to self-reflect! They will bounce their opinions and thoughts off a thousand and one people, time and time again because they have no belief in their own answers – the truth, the reality! They don’t like the reality, so they will spin it a thousand times and in a thousand different ways hoping it disappears through their own internal creation of confusion – but alas, life just LOVES to smirk and say “no, mofo – you are still at the start line”. And yes, that is precisely where you stand when you are not willing to let go of ego and pride - nowhere! and like the whole “communication” analogy, nowhere – gets you NOWHERE! I read some words by Anthony Hopkins earlier today – whether the words were uttered by him or not is of no consequence, their weight remains!
′′Let go the people who are not prepared to love you. This is the hardest thing you will have to do in your life and it will also be the most important thing. Stop having hard conversations with people who don't want change.
Stop showing up for people who have no interest in your presence. I know your instinct is to do everything to earn the appreciation of those around you, but it's a boost that steals your time, energy, mental and physical health.
When you begin to fight for a life with joy, interest and commitment, not everyone will be ready to follow you in this place. This doesn't mean you need to change what you are, it means you should let go of the people who aren't ready to accompany you.
If you are excluded, insulted, forgotten or ignored by the people you give your time to, you don't do yourself a favor by continuing to offer your energy and your life. The truth is that you are not for everyone and not everyone is for you.
That's what makes it so special when you meet people who reciprocate love. You will know how precious you are.
The more time you spend trying to make yourself loved by someone who is unable to, the more time you waste depriving yourself of the possibility of this connection to someone else.
There are billions of people on this planet and many of them will meet with you at your level of interest and commitment.
The more you stay involved with people who use you as a pillow, a background option or a therapist for emotional healing, the longer you stay away from the community you want.
Maybe if you stop showing up, you won't be wanted. Maybe if you stop trying, the relationship will end. Maybe if you stop texting your phone will stay dark for weeks. That doesn't mean you ruined the relationship, it means the only thing holding it back was the energy that only you gave to keep it. This is not love, it's attachment. It's wanting to give a chance to those who don't deserve it. You deserve so much, there are people who should not be in your life.
The most valuable thing you have in your life is your time and energy, and both are limited. When you give your time and energy, it will define your existence.
When you realize this, you begin to understand why you are so anxious when you spend time with people, in activities, places or situations that don't suit you and shouldn't be around you, your energy is stolen.
You will begin to realize that the most important thing you can do for yourself and for everyone around you is to protect your energy more fiercely than anything else. Make your life a safe haven, in which only ′′compatible′′ people are allowed.
You are not responsible for saving anyone. You are not responsible for convincing them to improve. It's not your work to exist for people and give your life to them! If you feel bad, if you feel compelled, you will be the root of all your problems, fearing that they will not return the favours you have granted. It's your only obligation to realize that you are the love of your destiny and accept the love you deserve.
Decide that you deserve true friendship, commitment, true and complete love with healthy and prosperous people. Then wait and see how much everything begins to change. Don't waste time with people who are not worth it. Change will give you the love, the esteem, happiness and the protection you deserve."
I have literally spent most of my life shoving myself into a corner, negating my own value for that of others. Yes, I am all for giving but after a lifetime of years – I now often sit quietly and examine those ratios and how more often than not, the people I plough my hours and energy and time into – end up stabbing me in the fncking back or simply take what they got and walk away. I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO done!
I don’t know how many of you know about chakras and what they entail… I do. I was once told by a woman that I have a solar plexus energy like she has never seen. She demonstrated it to me to… with divination sticks – it was quite something to witness. She is not the only person to say that to me, the woman who I experienced Reiki with for the first time also told me I had the most incredibly strong core energy. I have discovered over the years that OTHERS have learnt quicker to make use of that than I have myself!!!!!!!! I give it away and then I am left with nothing for ME! No More! I am done with others feeding off me - about time I started to feed myself!
Moving back to the point of communication - if you go about it right the first time around, be brave, stand up, speak out and exercise transparency… most of your “life issues” would be diminished in weight by at least 50%, because what we carry alone, is always a heavy burden! The simple practice of expression lightens the load and opens the road – there is much to be said for the simple practice of release.
I tried. I did! – For many years and I got nowhere. In order for someone to learn, they have to be willing to learn. This is the second time I have done this, and now I am DONE! No bitterness, no ugliness – just done… time to move on!
❤❤❤
Until next time...
Much Love from Cape Town, South Africa xxx
Jaynielea
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