Welcome to my seemingly endless journey.
A trip that will take you to places I might have visited many moons ago.
It´s a tale that came back to me when I meditated on one of my past lives. A life I told you about in my unbelievable true story.
As promised in that story I will now share this story with you.
Chapter 63
The pins are hammered out, and before we know it, there are three men standing around the entrance as a fourth grabs Numico and drags him out of the cell.
The boy looks at us anxiously, and I shout after him. The boy doesn't have to be a hero; we have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
They could know everything about us; this could possibly save a lot of painful torture, perhaps even lead to information. People generally have a need to participate in a conversation, to say things that are not necessary at all, just because it is common to communicate that way.
I put my arm around Cabilah; it is a matter of waiting and having faith.
The uncertainty eats away at my confidence, and fear starts to gain more and more control over me. Not so much for my own body, but for the consequences that this situation could have for Numico and Cabilah. Ultimately, I feel responsible.
Then I hear Oniko's voice in my head, “Let go of those fears. Let go of that impossible responsibility that you always want to bear for the people around you. You can only justify your own actions. Even that often proves difficult, as the choices of the heart cannot be explained rationally.” It is a lesson he taught me shortly after my sister's death. A lesson that was only now beginning to dawn on me.
Shouldn't they have brought Numico back if he was still alive? A shiver creeps up my spine and ends as a knot in my stomach. He wouldn't play the hero, would he? Letting go, I have to let go and trust. Numico has proven to be wiser than me on several occasions. Hold on to that thought, stay within your core, I keep repeating in my head.
But it takes so terribly long. When I look over, my eyes look straight into Cabilah's. She too cannot hide it is the worry that dominates her thoughts.
I breathe calmly, inhale, exhale, and keep repeating this. Slowly, I start to sink into the familiar state of meditation, something I haven't felt in a long time. This trip and all the hustle and bustle have kept me so busy that I have hardly thought about the state of my mind. But now that the tension has become unbearable, my subconscious takes care of the memory of life from the core.
The pure light, without carnal interference. If they are not riveted, they are attached to the casing. Where the soul and inexhaustible strength reign. That's where I go back to.
Sounds move away. All I hear is the pumping of my heart. The rushing of blood through my veins. At its core, it is light, a bright white light, bright and full of energy. I walk towards the light and put my hand in it. A tingling goes through my non-physical body. It is time; I step into the light. A space without end, pure white. Everything is white, while there is nothing.
I hold my arms out in front of me. Nothing. My hands try to touch my body but feel in the void. I want to move through space, but they have no grip, I remain still. My will is to see another part of space, before this thought is complete I am moving through space at enormous speed. Through nothing, to nothing.
It takes a while for the realization to come. Being where I am now has a different meaning. This is the core, where Oniko has often wanted to take me. But I never succeeded, because something held me back. Now I have arrived there and entered. What does this mean?
Every second of my stay I feel myself getting further away from my physical life. It all seems so far away, so unimportant and small. Insignificant in the eye of the cosmos where planets are destroyed, and billions of living organisms die and then sprout somewhere else. This life means so little now that I am part of the whole.
As I reach the point where I no longer want to return to the pile of flesh that houses my soul, I discover a new realization within myself. No matter how infinite the world may seem and how insignificant my world may be in the eyes of the cosmos, it is where I come from. Where I apparently felt I was needed when I chose life. In the enormous space where I now find myself, my influence is minimal. The world that takes place around my fleshly shell is still smaller than the immeasurable vastness of nothingness in which I now find myself.
It is a reflection of everything, and I am able to influence everything. No matter how minuscule the ripple I cause. Its consequences can be endless. Not only for the future but also for the present.
My influence, in my chosen domain, can bring about greater happiness in those around me. Such a ripple effect can extend immeasurably far, without me ever realizing it. If, in my immense wisdom, I have chosen this life, now that I still possess only a fraction of that wisdom, I must respect, accept, and persevere with the choice I previously made for myself, even in my current situation.
