Welcome to my seemingly endless journey.
A trip that will take you to places I might have visited many moons ago.
It´s a tale that came back to me when I meditated on one of my past lives. A life I told you about in my unbelievable true story.
As promised in that story I will now share this story with you.
Chapter 98
“Martio, you have been alive for many summers and you have never worried about it being a delay to the goal you were trying to achieve. Now that another year has been added, is that suddenly a reason to start worrying?"
"It is the ego that you feel, not your wisdom. Your ego wants to succeed or fail. But in the end, it doesn't matter whether you succeed or fail, but ego doesn't dare to take the time. You might start to realize that your goal is ridiculous or impossible."
"You would then have to look at yourself and say that you have done something stupid. That you have started believing in your own fairy tales? You would have plenty of stories to tell when you return, but you just wouldn't dare to tell the reason for your departure. Part of you is afraid to wait, afraid to procrastinate out of fear of failure."
"Remember that as long as you act from your heart, you will not fail. As long as you are convinced that you will succeed, you will succeed. If you become convinced that you no longer want to succeed, you have still achieved your goal."
"You have determined your path based on your heart, made your choices by letting your feelings speak. But don't be afraid of your fear. She wants to control you, and as soon as she does, your life will conform to the false security of banal mediocrity."
"Safety is never guaranteed, even the safest choices can entail unforeseen dangers. I am not advocating reckless behavior, but for choices based on your feelings, choices from your core, choices from your heart."
I sullenly tell Numico that I am tired and, irritated by his wisdom, while I leave for my bed.
However, his words continue to haunt me. In everything I do and think, I feel his wisdom hanging around me like a veil. My ego resists, bombarding me with nightmares at night but they are losing ground during the day. More and more, I enjoy the work, the peace and quiet, the collaboration on something bigger.
The evenings are filled with stories about what the future would look like if it were up to us. About the past, parents, grandparents, and origins. While I thought I knew everyone, except Kreytu, of course, it turns out that I know very little about the backgrounds of those who have become so dear to me.
Every evening, I discover facets in the others that make me understand them better. I know what to expect from them, but where their personalities originate becomes increasingly clear to me.
It turns out that Cabilah once wished to have power over the bad men so that they could no longer harm anyone. She got her wish, but the realization came after the need. Only when she told us did she make the connection herself.
"If I would have known..... would I have left earlier? Or did my wish only come true to allow me to leave with you?"
I enjoy seeing her caring for her men as she calls it and her men enjoy her care.
Kreytu is especially happy to have a woman's hand in the house; his mother died young. He was a child of his father. He once idolized his father, the man of steel, who always had an answer and a solution. But also forced him to follow in his footsteps.
"I was eleven years old when I joined my father on my first campaign. We rode into a small village.There were children playing in the street that ran into the houses when we arrived. I hoped to see them on the street again soon, so we could play. Then my father gave a few orders. All of a sudden his soldiers dismounted, rushed into the huts, and rounded up the villagers."
"I wanted to dismount and find the boys to play, but my father forbade me with a single wave of his hand. I looked around and saw how the gathered crowd looked up anxiously at my father, who began to speak."
“It has come to my attention that this village refuses to hand over to the Sikh. As you know, you are under his protection and must give half a harvest for the privileges you receive. You have knowingly refused this, but I will be lenient. A sigh of relief rose from the group. The punishment I deem appropriate is your daughters.”
"There was silence. Then my father coughed and continued. We are here to help you. To offer some relief. These girls will not be missed by the land you work on, but still, they must be fed by it. As he spoke, all the girls from 6 to 16 were gathered; there must have been about eight of them and some started crying."
“Spare me your tears, was all my father said he did not even look at the girls."
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