Do you know that feeling, that you have to do something.....but can´t quite remember what?
This story is just that.
I remember being told to write it but I can´t remember what I was supposed to tell you. What I do know is that everything I am going to tell you really happened, even though it may unbelievable sometimes.
Hit Rewind to start from Chapter One
Chapter 27
Life threw me a funny little curve ball that I just had to catch. Within 48 hours the decision was made and within three months I left everything behind, friends, family, and temptation. The only thing I took with me on this trip was my kid, my wife, and my ego.
This exit from life's highway took me to a place where nobody knew who I was, or what I had done, and they cared even less.
Why the hell did I do this?
I couldn´t walk through the high street in Tilburg without having to stop and chat every other step. Now look at me, I did not even speak a word of Spanish anymore.
Everything I learned back in Nicaragua seemed to be gone. Here I was, somewhere under the Spanish sun walking on the church square and having a 5-year-old come up to you asking you something .....and I was like ehhhhh "Si?"
From Hero to Zero in under 2500 kilometers.
Why did I make it so difficult for myself, why did I say yes to leaving?
What was the bright idea here?
Yes, it was now or never, but why did I do it?
I had jobs, I had friends, and I even had fans. Still, I decided to jump into this adventure headfirst and never looked back.
As I said, I sometimes wonder what would have happened if The One That Got Away and I would have led a normal life, and sometimes I wonder what would I would have become of myself if I would have stayed?
I know there is no use in asking these questions, but at night holding a glass of dark rum the mind drifts to places.
Back there, there was so much seduction luring me back into that lifestyle I had tried to flee from by marrying and getting pregnant.
Not sure if this was her plan to get me all to herself all along, or if this was the bigger plan. Maybe it was even my plan, my plan to avoid being found out or falling off the tightrope I had been traveling on for so long.
A tightrope drenched in alcohol, build from hemp, and dusted with cocaine. A tightrope having bare-naked ladies on both sides cheering me on, or do they cheer to see me fall and fail?
Failing, such a heavy word and so insignificant at the same time. One can not fail if one travels at its own pace. It is such a limited human concept, and it worries so many souls that do not know any better.
What I know is that this felt right, just like Dani had felt right from that first moment. This was what needed to happen.
This was what I needed to go through, no questions asked.
Nowadays I wonder how I accepted all the weirdness as normal.
How normal is it to leave your safe haven with a little baby, not even a year old to start all over far away from everything that felt or smelled like home?
Why did I not think those days, I was such a Tigger acting first and maybe one day overthinking the impact of my actions. That one day is now, and the only answer I could give myself is: "It felt like the right thing to do."
Drifting on the wind led me there, with no plan, not aware of any goal. It just felt good, that is reflecting on the past for you. I just did it, and I truly don´t remember one day doubting this decision.
The little village of Valor, Spain allowed me the time to focus on and finish the manuscript for my first novel.
Yes, that is the one about my life in the east 800 A.D. That life where I would meet Sei after the book was finished. Finishing the book took me exactly one year and it felt like completing the first small step of this journey.
All that reflecting and thinking back to those days in Valor made me remember something. Or rather someone.
Moments like these show you how memories get polluted over time. I was correct when I wrote that Little Feet told me it would take so long, but it happened much later.
It was during that first year in Spain that we had some doubts because just after Kyrian was born Stephie's sister got pregnant.
Unplanned, possibly unwanted, I remember wondering if Little Feet would not have manipulated things to get born in this family sooner.
Those doubts grew stronger when Stephie felt that her sister's daughter, Bliss, would be living with us at some point. She would be a bit more trouble than her mom could handle (and this definitely seems to be playing out knowing what Bliss´ future looks like).
That day was the last time I saw Little Feet.
That was when she told me not to worry.
The two of us were sitting on that skye leather sofa, in the living room of our first house in Spain when I was told that she would wait. That it would take a long, long time, but she will be born when her brother the cutter was all grown up and strong.
Those days we did not have a lot of visits. Those first years were hard already. So many new things, it was no wonder that this visit had slipped my mind. Just surviving as parents and finding our way in this new world took all our energy.
There was another visit I can remember, it was Sei who told us that one day we would be a lot wealthier but we would still do our groceries at the Lidle.
Now I have never been one looking for richness, but Stephie was more money minded. It must have been such a burden for her to hear this and not know when. She must have hoped it would be the not-so-distant future, but girl was she wrong.
If you enjoyed this story so far click the next button for the next chapter
Providential pic 1
Providential pic 2
Source Pic
Source Button
Source Divider