I already gave you ten reasons to Visit Russia! Do you need five more?
Really, folks! I gave you five excellent reasons to come to Russia. Then I gave another five that were spectacular. Vladimir Putin is getting very angry and he will start sending babies and puppies to gulags if you don’t visit! So to keep that from happening, I will try to entice you to visit with these five perfectly valid reasons for visiting Russia right now!
Mushrooms
Oh you haven’t heard? Yes. Russia seems to have a lot of mushrooms growing everywhere. Take a trip into any nearby wooded area and forage until you cannot forage anymore! But watch out for the poisonous ones! Don’t ask me which ones are poisonous. I have no idea! But from the looks of it, every Russian can tell you which ones are safe to eat. So visit Russia now and get those mushrooms! Bon Appétit!
Funny Hats
Russia has the best hats in the world! They have soft and fluffy winter hats called ushankas. They’re made from sheepskin. You can get them with or without ear flaps. How awesome! There are furry Cossack hats too! They also have some fabulous religious hats. Some of them have really cool golden embroidery! You’ll have to see them for yourself. So get on that steamboat and make the transatlantic voyage to the orthodox churches of the Russian empire!
Winter
The harsh Russian winter. What could be better symbolism for the Russian culture and history than freezing temperatures and snow? But maybe it’s not all bad. If you look at it from a different perspective, maybe the snow symbolizes the purity of the country and its people? And the cold air is crisp and refreshing like a triple distilled Russian vodka. When you think of it that way, their winter is quite beautiful, isn’t it? Right? Isn’t it?? Doesn’t it make you want to visit? Doesn’t it??
Really Long Escalators
Wow! Look how long that is! I bet it’s fun to ride! Only in Russia, comrades!
Caviar
Who doesn’t like to eat fish eggs? Yes. Caviar is fish eggs. YUM! This has been a Russian delicacy since the Mongol invasions. Even the Mongolian hordes had a refined palate for exquisite caviar from the beluga sturgeon in the Caspian Sea! Fierce warriors and sophisticated gentlemen. That sounds just like another guy I know! Come to Russia so you can meet him!
Bonus Reason – Vladimir Putin
What a great guy he is! He’s a gentleman’s gentleman and super macho too! Just this week he rode a tiger into the forest to hunt bears so the fair maidens could wear new coats. He was barefoot and shirtless and only had his big man hands to take down the bears! And he’s wonderful with the ladies! They absolutely adore him! He’s also great at sports, he’s a genius, and he’s the world’s most cunning strategist! And I’m totally not telling you this just because he’s holding me in a secret cell at the Kremlin.
(Please come to Russia to save me. I hope they don’t screen this post again. This is my 471st attempt to write this in and have it seen!)
Now you have all the reasons you need! Why aren’t you here yet? Please help me! I mean, please come to this wonderful country!
SGL
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