Hmm. I keep reading that I'm not what I do and that if I want to attract something new I need to be that...that I will attract what I am, not necessarily what I want.
So I'm being...an artist, writer, pool player, singer, piano player and a few other things that go into all of that.
However, I am also in online marketing. My job is a demanding venture. A laundry list of things I love to do. And a laundry list of things I struggle to get out of bed to face.
I've quit many jobs to pursue my dreams. I'm trying not to quit this one because if I had to have a dream job, I guess this would be it. I get to help people reach their potential. I get to do a little bit of art, some writing, editing, make web pages, research the mind, heart, body, and spirit. So it's perfect for me...sort of.
My dreams are often screaming at me. Pages say write me. Books say share me. Music says, "I'm not here just for you!"
Geez, I feel better just typing all of that out. I have always been a dreamer. I wasn't really raised that way exactly. And I've fought what I've been taught ever since. Yet, I like being able to "take care of myself." If you can call this that. I'm working on the whole adulting thing.
But it doesn't stop what--I'm thankful--are even more unrelenting calls to do my dreams. I have pursued one of them. Playing pool. Amidst being a secretary, doing public relations, being a writer, doing marketing, writing blogs, making webpages, file clerking, and even farming...I've been pretty relentless following this dream. I've reached my first goal. Top ten in the rankings. It took about 15 years. At least there's one dream that's not too mad at me. If you know who I am, please don't out me. I need a place of anonymity for now. No editing myself, or second guessing my keystroked thoughts.
Anyhow, this time, I really want to leave it all behind and just live the life of my dreams. Waking up inspired to do music, art, writing, reading, whatever the calling is in that moment. This time though, I don't want to crawl back into the 9-5 world because I didn't plan how to make a living in my extraordinary life. Am I being responsible keeping my job? Or irreverently irresponsible not pursuing my calling (s).
Heck, I just learned the other day that I don't have to pick just one. Oh yeah, I like dancing too. Rapping, poetry, fiction, and entrepreneurship.
Can all this love and passion rise to the top and make my life, my adventure, my day-to-day? Whether I figure out a safety net or not, I will take the plunge again. What's that saying? You'll regret more the things you didn't do than the things you did.
It's true. There are tiny, miniscule moments where I think, "Oh, I should have kept that job." But when I really think about why I think that, it's about the money and comfort. And the discomfort I faced during those times was worth the things I created. Worth the moments I was inside the art and music. I was home.
See you next time.