I was just having a conversation with a friend on Discord, and somehow the subject of addiction came up (of which, I'm sure many of you are familiar that I am a recovering heroin addict).
I wrote this to her, and she said it read like a poem.
She insisted that I wrote a post and share it - I didn't think it was very good, but, I told her I would stop being stubborn for once and step outside of my comfort zone - because we grow when we put ourselves in situations that we may not be completely comfortable in.
So, thank you for encouraging me, @Seajai, to share this with the world.
Here goes nothing...
So the internal self-conflict is coming to a conclusion
The whole good vs evil shit
Good, finally winning the war
Empathy returning; what a beautiful feeling
It actually makes me tear up every now and then
For I was never much of one to care about others
@Seajai:
Maybe the pain you are feeling is just a reminder
that you are beginning to FEEL again
instead of being numb
Me:
Oh, it is
It all comes at once
Any normal pains you have are amplified, but also
The senses come back to life
Colors appear brighter
Taste buds change; food becomes desirable again
The air around you has a different aroma to it
Sounds are sharper, more precise
Visual acuity begins to heal; I can read a book again
My senses come back full force, all at once
Life quickly returns to what was once a human being
Capable of emotion, love, compassion - selflessness
And it's crazy because when you're using
You don't realize all of these things are fading away
So when they all come back at once
It's completely overwhelming, almost scary
Yet, attached to that is an indescribable beauty
Just go outside and look at the sky
The colors, so vivid
Listen to the sounds around you; the world moving by
As you stand still
And just feel the wind on your skin
This is when it all comes back, and you realize
You're alive, and life is beautiful
To return to the depths of hell,
From whence we came
What utter madness
To sacrifice life, for pain, suffering,
And eventual self-suicide
For addicts are the best
At slowly killing ourselves
Only the foolish and the weak
Continue to choose that path
Time, and time again
As for me - I choose life.
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