Some of you that follow my blog will know that I had a rather unfortunate and ugly ending to my marriage about eight years ago. It was a very emotionally stressful and disruptive time in my life, and it took me a very long time to get over it and move on. In fact, to be frank – I don’t think it is actually something that you ever COMPLETELY recover from…
For those unaware, in short – I was in a physically, emotionally and verbally abusive marriage for eight years (yes, the same length I have been divorced). About midway through my pregnancy I began to work from home as it was just easier. My husband at the time began an affair with one of our regular customers and then when Jude was two months old, he walked out on us, asked for a divorce and moved in with his new lady.
That is pretty much the long and short of it.
Now, those of you that already knew this about me will also know that I am a HUGE advocate for the practice of forgiveness. It was not even six months after our divorce that my ex-husband was approaching me to talk about all the issues he was having with new lady. Did this hurt? Ofcourse it did! – But I am bigger than that. So I helped him.
Months turned into years and he has NEVER ceased verbalising his regret for the choices he made and attempting to “butter me up”. In fact, at one point, I almost considered letting him back into my life… but thankfully I wised up before making what would have been a VERY stupid decision.
These little advances from him literally continued for years and only subsided about a year ago when my current partner put him in his place. After that, he went pretty quiet…
Now, those of you that know me fairly well will know that despite being what I would like to consider quite a positive person, I also have a wicked sense of humour and last night – no ill intended, I had a good little chuckle to myself, because the wheel of life truly does always go full circle.
It does NOT need your help – it knows precisely what it is doing.
After my divorce, my father said to me “mark my words my girl – I give that guy 6 months and he will be begging you to let him back in the door and don’t you dare let him in!” Now That is precisely what happened, and although much time has passed and to be honest, my ex and I have quite an amenable relationship now, for the sake of our son I could not help but have a little karma giggle to myself…
Yes, he drunk texted me for the first time in a while... and it went like this....
I did know precisely which song was being referenced...
and this was it...
and for those that either don't know the song, or cannot watch the video... these are the lyrics...
I'm not a perfect person
There's many thing I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you
I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
That's why I need you to hear
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you
And the reason is you
And the reason is you
And the reason is you
I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you
I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you
Now, please don't get me wrong... my giggle over this, was not at his expense. It was not a vindictive giggle - it was one of maturity, in looking at how far how we have both come since then.
Despite the fact that I know he will forever regret what he did and yes, that is in fact something he will have to live with for the rest of his life, we do have a civil relationship these days.
He is re-married with a toddler on his hands and I do believe he has in fact learnt from his mistakes and that is wonderful for him (and his new family).
But after EVERYTHING I was put through, still receiving the odd "drunk text" is a wonderfully healing thing when many times we wonder for years on end if we were the one to blame... and you know what they say... " A drunk man tells no lies".
Until next time...
Much Love from Cape Town, South Africa xxx
