I carry the blame with me all day everyday.

I have wrote about my daughters problems ADHD ATTENTION DEFICIT HYPERACTIVITY DISORDER, ODD OPPOSITONAL DEFIANCE DISORDER & ASPERGERS quite a bit but what I haven't said to much about is how we think this happened. When I was pregnant with Jess she was very active, moving around a lot which Is a good sign. I didn't go into labour nothing happened so after 14 days after her due date I was booked in to be started labour which they use pessaries, this didn't work, I then had my waters broken which still didn't start anything off. Nothing got me moving, I was getting labour pains but my cervix wouldn't dilate. seems I have a wonky cervix as it happened with my 2nd child too.

They had a heart rate monitor which started to show she was going into to distress so I was rushed down to theater where I received an emergency casaerean. Once they had Jess out and safe they found the cord was wrapped around her neck 3 times, If I had given birth there was a high chance I would have lost her this still knocks me sick.

Her problems could be related to her brain being starved of oxygen. This is what the Drs think and find its the frontal lobe of the brain that suffers.

The sad thing is I blame myself, it was my body that wouldn't work the way it should, it was my body that tried to strangle her. This breaks my heart everyday that is my fault she has to suffer, when she phones me she's having a really bad day I hold it together to talk her through it then once the conversation is over I break down. I blame my self and have done since she was born.

I'm not writing this for sympathy I'm writing this to see if other Mothers feel the same, its not talked about alot but I can imagine there are a few others out there who feel the same way I do.
I'm here if you want to talk.

We had the same problem with my 2nd daughter another emergency casaerean, this time the cord was wrapped around her body, Nicky wasn't breathing but thankfully they managed too sort that out and thankfully she doesn't have Jessica's problems.


Thank you son-of-satire

Hi I am Karen, I am here to write about my life and read about yours.. If you like what you read please upvote and leave me a message so I can come visit youfollow me on Twitter
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