I am in the midst of some kind of crisis. It is not a panic but the exact opposite - nothing new has happened in some time.
There are several big drivers of human behavior. Freedom and security, to use broad strokes to describe I think the general two primaries.
But what good is freedom when you have no power?
What good is security when you have nearly nothing to lose and are so used to losing things that what little you have, even your life, has at best mere perfunctory, obligatory necessary actions demanded?
In fact, the burden I don't seem to even often feel anymore. Or at least, my resistance is gone.
At the moment, I simply don't care about anything because nothing seems new. I am not learning anything, although I am noticing I don't struggle with stuff so much. For me life right now is like water on a duck's back. It isn't really touching me anymore or causing a memorable mark on me.
So, I think that humans also have primal need to learn. I think I am just already studied in what I am immersed in, and nothing surprises me or triggers a strong reaction.
Some might say to me that I am depressed. I am not, rather, anything I can think of has the same, grey sense of obligation around it and I have mostly given up asking or even looking for what I am not even sure I want anyway...
Nothing is making me curious
Nothing seems new.
Maybe if you have been watching me for a while you may have thought I might just have been deflated by the difficulties.
Well, the asthma was hard, and still I have some lingering. The salbutamol supply is still sufficient and I am eating a lot less and sitting still and warm as much as I can and walking and shivering much less. I am recovering, because I gave up struggling, mainly.
But I am feeling bored. Ideas are my spirit fuel. I have picked all the low hanging fruit... A fundamental, tectonic change has taken place behind the limen of my mind.
Saying this has been the most novel thing that has happened all day.
Now, back to the scheduled programming...
We can't stop here! This is Whale country!
Loki was born in Australia, now is wandering Amsterdam again after 9 months in Sofia, Bulgaria. IT generalist, physics theorist, futurist and cyber-agorist. Loki's life mission is to establish a secure, distributed layer atop the internet, and enable space migration, preferably while living in a beautiful mountain house somewhere with a good woman, and lots of farm animals and gardens, where he can also go hunting and camping.
I'm a thoughtocaster, a conundrummer in a band called Life Puzzler. I've flipped more lids than a monkey in a soup kitchen, of the mind. - Xavier, Renegade Angel
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All images in the above post are either original from me, or taken from Google Image Search, filtered for the right of reuse and modification, and either hotlinked directly, or altered by me