Life can be a tricky game, at times.
None of us were handed an instruction manual at birth. And for as much as our parents and society did their best to prepare us to navigate the mazes of madness we'd encounter in our graduation from youth to participants in this odd planet's human dramas, let's be real: most of what we were told about how things are turned out to be kinda flawed, and the reality we found ourselves in ended up alot more complex than we figured it would be.
In our youth, we may have rebelled a bit, figuring we were smarter than the system, and pushed our limits and arrogance, thinking our enhanced vision and blind confidence would inevitably allow us to make life conform to our desires.
And, upon following that path, we probably got knocked down.
Youth has a way of instilling a sense of invincibility. And reality has its ways of shaking up such childish preconceptions. Sooner or later, we all undergo disappointments, failures, and frustrations that wear part of us down, strip away our innocence, and inflict their wrath upon our confidence.
The positive side, however: humbleness.
Character development is essential to the game. And humbleness - or humility - is one of those qualities that may be critical to our ascension through the ranks of wisdom and maturity.
Yet, life still isn't that simple.
Humbleness is required, at times. But so is that almost-ferocious, masculine, solid, ambitious, powerful confidence that may appear to be humility's complete opposite.
Yes, sometimes we need to recognize our place and sit on the sidelines quietly. And then, there are moments that require stepping up to tell it like it is, shatter the bullshit, and make a claim to the fucking emergence of something so far better in so many ways than the archaic effects of inertia as perpetuated by a collective coming to consensus on preserving a status quo because we haven't yet grown the balls to challenge it all.
Finding the balance is not so easy.
The balls-to-the-walls confidence takes time to mature into its healthy expression.
Without the wisdom that comes through life knocking us down a few times, it can be risky. A powerful force without refined direction can cause alot more damage than good. Hence, such a blind confidence often resulting in slip-ups that ground one down to grow the humbleness to balance it.
The humbleness, too, has its risks.
As beneficial it may be at times, there also exists temptation to let it slide into complacency, hesitancy, over-reservedness, and a weakness disabling one from the effective action essential to creation.
Let's not beat around the bush. Cultivating a fine balance of both of these can be a real bitch.
Without the confidence, shit doesn't get done.
But without it checked, one is bound to blow themselves out.
Injecting a bit of humbleness may go a long ways. But too much, and you may as well have chopped your fucking balls off.
The tricky thing is: you can't fake either.
Everyone could pull out a bit of that arrogant, immature confidence. But that just reveals itself as bullshit, and never produces results.
And one could attempt balancing that with some humblness. But that bullshit is just as stinky - and the combo of the two probably forms a good recipe for repulsive condescension.
Nope... life demands the real-deal.
And the road to developing these traits is not always smooth or easy.
Sometimes we gotta let our egos get beaten down, lowered to the ground in order to find the seeds of humbleness. And surely, we gotta humble ourselves tending to those seeds as they sprout, caring compassionately and gently for those parts of ourselves that had to get knocked down for the space to be cleared for the maturing character.
And the confidence... it too, needs its beatings to strip away the layers of arrogance degrading the purity of its core strength. It, too, requires the companion of a compassion to guide its force constructively and gracefully.
None of this comes quick. Only through years of trials, tests, and tribulations.
No shortcut, there is.
Each day brings its tests. Each moment, a test of its own.
How we rise to the challenge... well, that kind of sets the trajectory between heaven and hell.
Life is unforgiving. Universal laws, immutable.
Those times our confidence glows too radiantly, there shall be a guard around the corner to call us back into place.
Those times we become too complacent in humbleness, the pit we bury ourselves in through the lack of confidence-driven action only gets deeper, until that point of making a bold leap out of it - an action which itself, builds confidence.
The ways we dance between these polarities... thousands upon thousands of stories could be told of how the dynamic plays out.
I could tell my own. Though would that be as beneficial to either of us as you looking in the mirror to draw out your own...?
Maybe I'm being too humble, by keeping reserved about my personal motivations for this writing, attempting to remove myself from the picture so as to not taint any of it with ego.
Maybe there are the seeds of the arrogant over-confidence, attempting to tell others how it is as if I know better.
Maybe there's the over-confidence in an underlying "fuck y'all, I'll write what I want how I want" attitude. And the direct flip side of that would unquestionably be the shadow of the humbleness, being an overly self-conscious concern for not too harshly imposing my opinion to take away from anyone else.
And then, there may be the fusion of the matured confidence and humbleness - sharing with a knowing there is something of value in these perspectives that might be of value to some readers, putting it forth as an act of service without concern of how any of my vulnerably opening up might reflect back upon myself.
Interesting dynamics, these are.
Moral of the story?
Choose your own.
There are layers upon layers within this you may draw from. Take what you will to fit into your own stories - choose the reflections that resonate most with you, in which you can see aspects of yourself as you are evolving through your own journey.
We all have our moments of failure to achieve our constructive balances. And, perhaps those failures are essential to the process of cultivating our character and achieving balance.
Or maybe there never will be balance, and we'll always keep fucking up no matter how mature, wise, or evolved we think we are. Who am I to say.
Be humble when t'is time.
Be confidence when t'is time.
Cultivate higher degrees of both. And the discernment to exercise each appropriately in the proper balances.
Or don't. Your choice...
