The road to completely forgiving is a long road. It was a long road but I will keep it short for the steemit audience.
In January of 2010, I finally got my wife to confess her affair. In finding out about her affair, I also found out that she was in love with her lover. It was a relief to finally get a confession, because not knowing exactly why she treated my like shit, was the most painful experience in my life.
In dealing with the affair and losing my best friend, I discovered myself. Instead of crying myself to sleep every night, I was on a journey of improving myself emotionally, spiritually and physically.
I buried myself in reading books and in cycling. I didn't look back and try to fix the broken, but built a new and imroved me. I decided to live in the now and not in the past or for the possible future.
I can remember my separated wife telling me about the Relay for Life that was taking place, and how her mom and her mom's friends had a team and how they needed walkers to fill hours of time to walk.
I didn't have to think about it, because I was in a "now" kind of life. In years past I would of sat there, thinking about all the possible things I could do instead of helping my cheating wife's mom. I was all in and I told her I would be happy to help.
I remember my walking time being some time in the early morning after midnight and later in the morning right before the relay ended.
So the day of the relay, I didnt think about doing anymore than what I was scheduled to do, but I ended up walking all the way through to the end of the relay.
I remember the 13 mile bicycle ride to the relay, and how I tried to beat my time on the saddle even knowing I had some walking ahead of me. I was a different person, so motivated to do anything at any time.
I didn't know what to expect when I arrived, I was pleasantly surprised. It was a party, with music blairing and tents all over the place. It reminded me of a music festival. I was glad I agreed to take part in the relay.
I immediately found my team and introduce myself to those who I didn't know and then I start walking. Within a few laps I start running. I was so motivated and happy, even knowing that the team knows what I'm going through, with my wife's mom telling the whole world about the affair.
After a few miles, I take the time to stop at all the booths that are around the track. One of the booths was selling a long string, and as you walked by the booth you would put a bead on the string. What a cool idea and a great way for me to count my miles. Now I know for sure that I'm going to walk all the way through to the end of the relay.
I didn't bring any cash, so I told my wife who was a hot mess about everything, to buy me the string. I was on my way now. I didn't stop for much, because I was in a walking mood. I had bought myself a new pair of Slip-On Vans a few days befor the relay.
When my wife's love affair was still a secret, not many knew about it, but one of our mutual friends had thought something was going on. The woman in the black with pink in the photograph, was that mutual friend. She had called me over for a visit and told me that she thought my wife was having an affair. I remember not knowing what to believe at the time. After I found out about the affair, I was so thankful to my friend who was kind enough to share her suspicion about my wife's infidelity.
So throughout the morning I had accumulated over 112 beads and found more forgiveness in my heart. 112 beads is 28 miles by the way. I remember thinking to myself during the walk, that this was the best therapy session I've ever had. I wasn't a victim anymore, but just a small part of a world shit storm.
It's funny, but I must of deleted all the pictures of my ex wife, because I couldn't find any of her with me at the relay. We had walked to together for a few miles and we had breakfast together. I guess at the time, I didn't want to see her face anymore than I had to.
I can tell you now, that I don't hate my ex-wife. I am even thankful to her, because I wouldn't have my beautiful boys if it wasn't for her infidelity.
By the end of the relay, I had met so many interesting people and many people thanked me for being such an inspiration throughout the walk. In the last few laps, I was thankful for being involved and even more thankful that my heart wasn't hardened by the affair, but my willingness to forgive had grown.
After the relay had ended my ex wife's mother had given me a shirt and a bag of nuts. I had joked about it being an award for being the most improved of the relay.
I survived the the relay and I ended up making some sweet lemonade with a bunch of rotten sour lemons.
I'm @runridefly, and thank you for reading my personal story.