Let's build bridges, not walls. -Martin Luther King, Jr.
Nowadays people are going to war of words too easily. It’s enough to say the wrong word and you blow up the whole social media.
We are getting offended too easily, we go on aggression mode and every time each discussion ends in an argument. And the sad part is that we take this aggressiveness away from the keyboard.
From politics to sports to entertainment, we dragged the basics of communications into a tug of war, where who screams the loudest wins. Just like some species of monkeys try to establish authority.
We don’t respect the people in front of us anymore. We don’t have any direction anymore. This is why, I think, we need more assertiveness.
Why is assertiveness important?
Lower stress and better communication. I was mentioning above that we tend to argue a lot. How do we feel after an argument? Heart rate is going up, morale is down and a high amount of stress. Because that person just annoyed the hell out of us. But what if you took a different approach to your talk and instead of being aggressive on your stance, you were assertive and assessed the situation with calm.
Being assertive means that you stand up for own with calm and positive mindset. Assertiveness is all about bringing balance to the conversation and not going into a passive or aggressive mode. On this way you could gain the respect of the others around you. Who doesn’t want to talk with a reasonable person?
You will feel more confident because being by being assertive you focus on a win-win situation. You focus more on yourself rather that outside factors. You are in control of the situation and this will be a boost in your confidence.
How to be more assertive?
Start by setting up boundaries. Having a bottom line that you won’t cross or won’t let other cross it, will let you be in control of the situation. You will know how to act and in which direction to go with the discussion.
Don’t assume things. We tend to assume a lot of things. How the other think about us, how they feel about us, how our actions and words will make them feel. Try to stop doing this. Don’t assume things. Be certain. Say the things you want to say and then see the reaction.
Speaking about feelings. You are not in charge of how the others feel. Don’t be so stressed about how the people around you feel. You are not responsible for their feelings.
Say "I" more often. Tell the others how you feel by expressing your feelings and don't push the discussion towards them. For example: instead of saying: “You are so unreasonable, you always make me do this” you should say something like “I’m feeling that is unreasonable that I do this all the time. I would prefer if we could take turns in doing it”.
Practice. Practice. Practice. If you aren’t used to being assertive, you will have a hard time adjusting to this new way of communication. Practice scenarios in front of a mirror, talk by yourself. It sounds silly, but practice never failed anyone till now.
Learn to voice your opinions. Be more confident in talking with others. Pick your battles and try to find the best way to communicate with others. Of course, there will be situations when assertiveness won’t help you and you will have to try a different approach. But I think learning how to be assertive is a great way to learn how to control your life.
The way we communicate with others and with ourselves ultimately determines the quality of our lives. Tony Robbins
Image source: Pixabay
This is Day 14 of the 30 days writing challenge during January 2017 launched by @dragosroua. If you want to join the challenge, here's the introductory article.
I know I missed day 13, but it is what is. I will try to finish up the challenge without missing any other day.
Essential skills in life is a series of articles regarding skills that I consider everyone should try to develop them. Some of them I have, some of them I'm working on. Please follow me @sstefan if you want to check the next post of the series.