Let's think about this....
ARE YOU A HUNK?
Not all guys are TOTAL hunks. In fact, most guys are PART HUNK, part something else (and the something else isn't necessarily a bad thing). But most men somehow manage to snag themselves women and even go so far as to populate the earth with them--despite NOT being total hunks.
How on earth is this happening? You're better-looking than that guy, you earn a better living than he does, you are funnier, you have better deodorant for sure. Why has HE got the girl? What gives???
Well, a couple of things are going on here:
1. "Hunk" Material to one woman may not be so for another
Every woman is different. I might find something totally sexy that another woman might find very unappealing. For example: one of the things I found to be a turn-on about my husband when we were dating is that he would fund "kickstarter" technology projects. He still gets gadgets in the mail that I don't understand.
Someone else might find this hobby of his silly. Me? I think it's sexy. And sweet.
2. Immune System Compatibility
Recent research indicates the way our body naturally smells to another can be subconsciously a huge turn on if your immune systems are "compatible." And by "compatible," scientists actually mean most UNLIKE your own. In essence, opposites attract. So although colognes and perfumes play a part in sex appeal, the key to attracting the woman you love is actually found in immune system compatibility?
Well...yes. Actually.
"Fish, birds and mammals prefer mates with different genetic MHC code compared to their own, which they determine using olfactory cues. This preference increases the chances of high MCH variety in the offspring, leading to enhanced resilience against a variety of pathogens." (article here)
Isn't that romantic?
What this means is, rather than working so hard to make good conversation, just let your armpits do the talking! Go without deodorant for a few days, and if your date is repelled by the smell, then it wasn't a good fit anyway!
Well, I guess maybe wear a LITTLE deodorant...just in case.
3. Good Looking and "Attractive" are Not the Same Thing
A guy could be a "hunk" and a total bore or a waste of space. And this is a turn-off. On the other hand, another guy who may not be a head-turner at first glance could be someone girls go ga-ga over. Maybe he's really funny, or flattering, or sincere, or poetic, or maybe he has a sexy voice or plays guitar, or he has the most exquisite dung beetle collection. Who knows? Who cares? The point is, don't put a lot of stock into what YOU think women want. Just be YOU. And there will be women who want YOU.
Just be sure you are taking good care of your hygiene and making an effort with your appearance. This sends the message that you are AVAILABLE and READY to go. Even if your style is casual and laid back and you are proud of your stubble, make sure your stubble isn't gross and your clothing is approaching something of style.
Or we won't have anything to talk about here.
If you don't have a CLUE how to have style, I recommend the following (and you might think this is weird, but it WORKS!):
Find a guy you think is doing OK in the attractive department, and model after HIM. He doesn't have to be anyone you know. He doesn't have to be Brad Pitt either (but he could be!). Just find someone. Study how he walks, how he talks, how he dresses--and emulate what he's doing. Start taking on a few of his traits.
Think it's creepy? It's not--as long as no one knows about it. You don't have to be obvious. Honestly, this is what teenagers do EVERY DAY. They emulate their favorite peers and pop stars, and they bring it with them wherever they go. This is how they find their place in the world. If you missed this step in your social development, it's time to go back and take a quick crash course. And it's actually kind of fun.
This is something you should be doing as an adult as well, if you want to rub people the right way. Try not to be too antisocial like it's a cool thing.
There are certain nuanced ways of standing, walking, talking, dressing, gesturing, and behaving that will get you a promotion, get you a date, and get you elected as Mayor, for instance.
I know, it's kind of lame, but we have to "fit in" a little bit if we don't want to rub people the wrong way. So find the kind of people you'd like to be like and be with, and emulate a little bit.
Don't get rid of YOU, just keep in mind that there are mannerisms that work and ones that don't. Find out which ones they are! You'll not just do better in your love life, but you'll make connections with other people who might otherwise gloss you over professionally and otherwise.
Better yet, find a sister or a cousin who takes pity on you, and let them give you a makeover. It will make their day.
But you need to consider that your presentation is 90% of the deal here.
CAPITALIZE ON THE ASSETS
Now that we have some basics covered, let's capitalize on our assets, shall we?
We all have characteristics that make us feel less attractive. The trick is to know what your assets are, and capitalize on those, because those are the things that are going to pique the interest of the female species. (What HOLDS interest is another conversation).
Here is a list of assets you might consider capitalizing on. Try to pick 2 or 3 you know you can flaunt a little, and you'll be surprised how quickly you attract great people of all kinds, not just prospective dates.
1. Good sense of humor (if you can get her to laugh, you can probably get her to do other things as well)
2. Good job (a lot of women like to feel their guy is stable and secure)
3. A unique but tasteful sense of style (you go against the grain...but not TOO much)
4. An interesting hobby (you are a passionate person...)
5. Wit and intellect (you are never boring)
6. A way with words (you smooth talker!)
7. Good with the hands (you have a magical touch and give great massages)
8. A good education (lends itself to interesting conversation)
9. Literary and political know-how (also interesting conversation)
10. World traveler (shows a sense of adventure and open-mindedness)
11. Musical ability (romantic preludes)
12. Artistic ability (deep expression)
13. Good writer (think poetry)
14. Handyman (nothing like a guy with big tools)
15. A nice house/car (some women like these things)
16. A 1968 VW bus with a mattress in the back (some women like the simpler life)
17. A wide collection of good music (shows your good taste)
18. A collection of wine, cars, coins, etc. (finer things in life)
19. A bookshelf full of literature (well-read dudes are sexy)
20. Good cooking skills (are you kidding me?)
21. Physical prowess or athleticism (move those muscles, slay those dragons)
22. A good cause (maybe you want to attract a woman who gives back to the world)
23. Strong work ethic (this means a lot to us women folk)
24. Good with kids and dogs (again, you can't go wrong with this one)
25. A sexy man-beard (or man stubble, or man bun, or man whatever)
26. Your choice
OK. So the thing to remember here is that we are not asking you to be ALLLLL these things. Just a couple or a few is plenty for now. Or maybe you want to develop something that is not on the list. Maybe you're a great farmer and have nice haystacks, or you are a geologist and have a unique rock collection, or you are an entomologist with an exquisite dung beetle collection. Maybe you have a collection of Marvel comics worth over $15,000. I don't know. Whatever it is that makes you want to get up in the morning--that is what will make you sexy to some other woman.
Just own it, work it, and be proud of it.
The main thing you need to grasp about women is that we're just as quirky and insecure as you are. The difference is, we have boobs, and those throw you off. So what you have to do is throw US off with your amazing wit or incredible ability to turn a phrase. Learn guitar. I am telling you--this will work wonders for your own self image, it will give you something interesting to learn, and it will woo the ladies. If you can't sing, who cares. Let the guitar do the talking, and pretend it's nothing.
Don't be afraid to show off just a little bit. I'm not saying obsess or brag or talk about your own stuff non stop. That's annoying. But showing off a little is OK. It's necessary. If you act insecure about it, we'll follow suit, and you'll be a bore.
You gotta find a balance.
What you want to do is practice some CONCISE sound bytes about what it is you do, why you love it, and what parts are the most interesting. And be done. Let her ask more. If she doesn't, then you'll need to master the art of small talk if you haven't already. This is a subject for another conversation.
But just remember, you were custom-made for someone, and she for you! And your job is to convince her of this fact. But it helps if you are convinced of it too, at least a little bit.
LEARN FROM THE JERKS
I'm not saying be a jerk. Don't be a jerk. We have enough of those. BUT, what you could do is learn from them. Why are they getting all the girls? What is it they are doing that is so appealing and alluring?
The main thing is, they think they are sexy, and they are not easily dissuaded by rejection. They don't let "no" affect them the way most guys do. I'm not saying this is a good thing. They SHOULD be more dissuaded. We don't need more jerk offspring out there.
But we can learn from them in the fact that their sales pitch doesn't end at the first sign of trouble. They find away around it because they are determined to do so. I'm not saying go stalk and harass your prey. I'm saying be creative, and smile. There is something about a square shoulder that women really respond to.
For some ideas, go read my article "Why the Jerks Get All the Girls" and find some quick tips on how to up your game a little.
YOU'LL WIN $1 MILLION DOLLARS IF YOU GET THE DATE
I once had the opportunity to interview Richard Peery (self-made billionaire in the Bay Area). I was nearing the end of college at the time, and I was struggling to find a good job in my career. I let him know this and asked his advice. He said to me, "What if I offered you a million dollars if you got the job you wanted. What would you be doing differently?"
I thought about this for a minute, and that question changed my life. I knew I had not been attacking the job market the way I could have been. I immediately changed my approach. There WAS a specific job I wanted, and I went after it in a way I never would have tried otherwise.
Two weeks went by and I heard nothing. Then a phone call came saying that not only did I get the job, but they were going to pay me more than the proposed offer.
I was stunned. Nothing had changed about my qualifications. Only my approach. And that made all the difference.
Whatever if is we're after, we'd have a MUCH better chance of getting it if we knew a million bucks were waiting at the end, wouldn't we?
More to the point, landing a date with a girl you want might be worth MORE than a million bucks. And when you treat a girl like you want her like you want a million bucks, THAT is sexy.
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