This is the third part of my post about Filipino jokes translated for Western audiences. Please check out Part 1 and Part 2 if you haven't read them already.
The Dolphin votes on the 2nd part of the post have encouraged me to keep going. Maybe the third time's the charm for the "miracle votes" to come back? (Fingers-crossed this time)
Translating most of these local Filipino Jokes to be funny for Western folks isn't easy. Sure, you could translate them right away but they would be less funny if they would be too culture-specific. I have translated some words and changed localized Filipino names of these jokes just to cater to Western audiences and some may not even be funny to Western ears when in English. These jokes are best discussed in Filipino for the humorous impact.
Pizza Slice
John ordered a whole pizza...
WAITRESS: Sir, how would you like your pizza cut into slices? 6 or 8?
JOHN: 6 slices. Because I can't eat 8 slices.
Our Problem
HUSBAND: I've got a big problem!
WIFE: Don't ever say "I" or "ME" again! We are husband and wife for goodness' sake, so you better watch your mouth and use words like "WE", "OUR" or "US"! So, what is OUR problem this time?
HUSBAND: WE got the teen maid pregnant and WE are the father!
Drunk Too Long
GIRLFRIEND: I feel sorry for my ex-bofriend!
BOYFRIEND: Why? What Happened?
GIRLFRIEND: : I heard he's been drinking for the last 7 years since we broke up!
BOYFRIEND: Wow, that's the longest drinking celebration ever!
Hot Catch
JOHN: Last month, I introduced my sexy girlfriend to my old millionaire grand pa.
PETER: What happened? Did your grand pa like her?
JOHN: Yup, she's my grand ma now!
The Illness
TEACHER: Why were you absent from school?
JOHN: I'm sorry...Ma'am. I have a CARDIOVASCULAR DISEASE!
TEACHER: Okay, spell the name of your disease!
JOHN: It's only a joke...I got the FLU!
Role Models
TEACHER: Kids, you should try to emulate THE ANTS. They work hard and don't fool around!
SCHOOL KID: Then why do they follow us to the park when we skip classes, Ma'am?
Robbery
JOHN: You again! You already robbed me three times this year already!
ROBBER: That's business. We take care of good customers!
Almost
JOHN: Mom, I almost got Top One in class!
MOM: Really, son? Why almost?
JOHN: The Teacher announced the Top One Student of the class and pointed at my seatmate...that means she missed pointing at me! Darn!
To Be Handsome
PETER: Doc, I wanna be handsome but I don't have the money for surgery! Is there a cheaper way?
PLASTIC SURGEON: There is a way...
PETER: What? How?
PLASTIC SURGEON: : Try to blend in with people uglier than you...In that way, you will be more good-looking than the rest of them!
Don't Speak
A drunk man met a fat girl walking with her dog on the street.
DRUNK: Hey, where did you get that pig?
FAT GIRL: It's a dog, not a pig!
DRUNK: I'm talking to the dog, not you!
The Mail
Meanwhile in a mental institution...
PATIENT: Doc, it's so lonely in here that I wrote myself a letter!
DOCTOR: Oh, what did the letter say?
PATIENT: Dunno, but it is going to arrive next week!
The Book
JOHN: Here's the book. I dunno why you keep that here in the Library...It's all words and no stories!
LIBRARIAN: Aha! So you were the one who stole our Telephone Directory!
Source: http://www.pinoyfailblog.com/2013/10/100-best-pinoy-jokes-of-all-time-41-50.html
Image Sources: Google Images for noncommercial use
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