This is actually a monumental point for me, so this article has literally been my entire life "in the making". For a little perspective, my wife and I are separated, and up until last month we were talking on the phone almost every day because we are still friendly. Her boyfriend does not like this, so after many years of deep connection I will never talk to her again. Accepting that is the most difficult thing I have ever had to do, but from this day on, I move forward with only myself to rely on for moral support and inspiration.
Pizzagate has ignited the passions of many in the past month. Most realize this scandal is not the first to revolve around ritual child abuse. Some are now steadfastly determined to examine all the loose ends so it may be remotely possible for us to believe this is the last of these vile scandals. Denying the enormous scope of these issues has been the initial reflex for far too many people thru the decades. Using this collective reflex has undoubtedly been a key part in strategies that these savages are employing for keeping evil secrets out of the courts, going back generations.
I am a simple person with no dignity to lose and no chance of enjoying anything which could be considered retribution. I look back from these current moments and I notice a strange coincidence; thru my life I have consistently felt "left out of the loop", wandering the streets alone and peering into the frosty windows of loving families celebrating together in ideal love and harmony. Yet, one vivid memory of being left out of the "fun group" is today a clear cut blessing in disguise.
My older brother is much more of an extrovert than me. As a kid, he taught me alot about speaking up and getting his way, but my personality has always remained predominantly in the "loner" category. During our years between being helpless babies to obnoxious teens, the dichotomy between us was already quite established. So, it was not unusual when he was talking excitedly about playing racquetball. I never heard of it before then, and I wanted to play too. He was going to an athletic facility across town (too far for me to walk) with some neighborhood kids that were extroverted in their own right. A younger than average Catholic priest was their transportation, introduction to the sport and of course, their sexual abuser. I remember clearly how jealous I was of the fun I erroneously thought he got to have with our friends and the cool adult taking time to hang out with low-income youth. The grand revelation of the pedophile ring was announced in the newspapers about 10 years after these incidents. Multiple priests were implicated and the magnitude of the manipulation and systemic criminal conspiracy quickly became revoltingly obvious to the residents of the entire area.
One of the ring leader priests had performed mine and my siblings' baptisms and first communions. Indeed he presided over these sacraments to thousands of kids for decades in the same church, all the time leading a double life as a monster of the worst proportion. He was president of the school board for years, and at a certain point, partnered with a prominent mayor and fixture of local business as they groomed youngsters to share among multiple priests from other churches and Catholic schools. One incident that happened before I was of age ended with the deaths of a carload of H.S. students driving the priest's sedan off a country road.
My parents have never discussed any of this with me. We all continued attending the same church, and they tithed the same exact amount they always had. I never put together that my brother was a victim until he told me as an adult.
At this point, I am just another struggling person, with no prospects and really no people I would consider to have my back. I look normal and most people probably assume I can fend for myself, yet in truth I experience learning disabilities and most likely will flop from bad job to bad job forever. There is no stake in this world for me. I could just go on autopilot and remain ignorant of the gigantic implications of these awful cycles of abuse. You could too, and most likely you would live out your life like none of this ever happened. However, for all those willing to look at these demons, your own and of others who remain silent, maybe this can be the hugely historic moment that starts generation #1, of a planet free of secretive monstrosities. Steadfastly ignore and thus utterly shut down all the media bullhorns which are equally guilty of coldly discarding the innocence of their own helpless children. Help the earth begin to heal these deep wounds, and soon enough the recovery will gain wonderful momentum and usher in an era of babies, children, and youth who will each enjoy the freedom of their beautiful existence.
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