Personally, I am not one to apologize when I'm not wrong. I try really hard to watch what I say to people because apologizing is a really difficult task for me, so I try not to do much that will prompt me to be doing the apology often because in my opinion, when something is done too much it looses its relevance.
You see that word do to others what you want to be done to you? I take it really seriously so at all times I try to treat people exactly how I would want to be treated and if ever I have any conflict with anybody irrespective of age, I do a lot of sober reflection and analyze the situation from a third person's perspective so am I void of emotions when trying to decipher if I was in the wrong or not.
One thing that has really assisted me in checkmating myself and my dealings with people is by asking myself sailent question like; will I be happy if I get treated the same way I have treated this person?. Immediately I realize at a point that I might have said something or done something to hurt the next person without any justification as to why I said or did that, I apologize immediately no matter what and make sure everything is ok and the atmosphere is no longer tensed.
I was one time sharing with some group of people how I handle conflict amongst my siblings. I told them I am the eldest child and sustaining the peace amongst my siblings is my utmost priority and whenever I have a fall out with any of my younger ones I apologize to them. This has prompted them to always apologize and make peace after an outburst and not bear grudges. However, the people I was making this information available to were shocked lol, like why would you apologize to who you are older than? they asked.
You know, It is toxic to think because you are in a privileged position then you treat people like they are nonentities. Everyone deserve respect and respect is one thing I do not joke or play with. I like to respect people and be very much respected in return.
My mother would always say even a new born deserves some respect. It is that respect that make us to cloth and feed the baby while always making sure we are available to tend to the baby’s every need.
Like I had earlier said, my apology comes when I'm not in the right. If I am not wrong I will never apologize no matter whose involved, rather I'd talk about the situation and make the person see and understand how they’ve offended me so that they can apologize and we make peace. However, If the person doesn't feel the need to apologize I start building walls to avoid future disrespect.
People often tend to want to be the bigger person in most conflict especially when it involves a love interest, but not me because to me that is emotional abuse. I cannot apologize for peace to reign when I am the one that is being offended. Instead of me to apologize to break the ice, let us freeze to death lol I’m joking but on a more serious note, I'd rather maintain the silent treatment for as long as possible and eventually cut the person off if the need arise.
I feel the burden of apology does not lie with me especially when I’m the one being offended. Apologizing to someone who has offended me is just another way of encouraging bad behavior and preventing the offender from learning;
1 How to treat people rightly and do better
2 How not to disrespect me in the nearest future because if we keep indulging bad attitudes, it won't go away, it will only come back and hunt us in the future and I am of the opinion that people should always be responsible and be accountable for their actions.
Back then in Uni, I had this roommate, that we grew really fond of each other and got really close. She would always get me gifts and I try to reciprocate when I can. Upon resumption of a new semester, I could not resume early enough so she had to pick room for the both of us and because I did not resume on time, my wardrobe was giving out to the extra room mate.
It was supposed to be six in a room because the wardrobes were six in number, but because of the over population and influx of students they started increasing the numbers of students in a room to sometimes ten people in a room of six. I had wanted to go pay for the new hostel where the rooms were not crowded nor choked up but, I could not do that because the girl, my supposed friend pleaded we stay in the populated hostel as she really wanted us to stay together and she doesn't have the money for the New hostel. So I listened and told her to choose a better space in the over crowded room for us that will be convenient.
I finally resumed school only for her to be telling me that I don't have a wardrobe because I resumed late and the wardrobe she had kept for me, it was given to an extra roommate by the school authority since I wasn't around. I wanted to get angry but she said she left her own wardrobe for me and bought a mobile one which she had already set by the side of the bed.
Fast forward, I had to travel for a religious seminar and I left my wardrobe key with her. While I am someone who enjoys their privacy, she on the other hand likes to always share in a person’s life and every time she complains about how she gave me the spare key for her mobile wardrobe but I couldn't trust her enough to give her mine. Since I was traveling and wasn’t having any item of monetary value in my wardrobe, I gave her the wardrobe key just so she could be happy. All through the while I was on transit, we would always chat but never for once did this girl tell me she needed to use my personal items in my wardrobe. I had just gotten a new sets of jewelry plus belt I haven’t even worn. I was supposed to wear them for the religious seminar but I forgot them while i was packing.
I traveled on friday to return Sunday. like I said earlier, my friend and I were in constant communication but never for once did she tell me she’d be using my jewelry or belt that I just bought. On sunday while the program was ending, I was going through people's whatsapp status randomly then I stumbled on her cruising my necklace and belt on a Saturday outting and I got really upset because she didn't even tell me and we were in constant communication. I don't also like sharing my personal items I'd rather dash you and get another one plus I hate it when people just take other people's stuffs without their permission. so I messaged her and queried her why she made use of my items without seeking my consent or permission? and she knows how I dont like such attitudes. I then told her to respectfully return the items back to where she collected it from so we won’t have any issues. Instead of her to apologize she flared up and started creating a scene at the hostel, opening my wardrobe and packing out all my belongings, separating our bed she had joined together and telling everyone who cared to listen that I’m an ingrate after all she has done for me, I called her a thief. People started calling me to tell me I was wrong and should apologize instead I called another of our mutual friend to go help me secure my laptop and other valuables. That one got there and was calling me angrily that what I did was wrong I explained to her everything that happened but she said irrespective I should apologize because we are close friends but I did not apologize and i was ready for that friendship to end and it did eventually when I could no longer tolerate her excesses.
Above is my response to the
Thinker’s corner contest For week two, initiated by @kenechukwu97.
My take is, while trying to be the Ambassador of peace, careful to draw a fine line else you’d be taken advantage of and it gets mentally exhausting.
Thank you for stopping by, your thoughts, engagement and opinions will be appreciated.
PS
The cover picture is mine