What makes you genuinely happy? Think on this for a minute. Spending time with family? Writing? Positive feedback on something you made? Saving money? Spending money? There's no right or wrong, only answers.
Now I want you to think about why these things make you happy.
Sense of accomplishment, recognition of your work, money in your bank account, new toys to use, or simply the company of someone you love are probably some of the main reasons behind the joy you feel from these things.
Finally, I want you to examine one more thing. How many of those causes of happiness are given by others?
You get happy when someone likes your work (which is normal). But, that comes externally. Payday feels great and is completely necessary for the majority of us, but it relies on an outside force that spurns the happiness. Someone noticing that you look healthier feels fantastic, but would you feel that way without them commenting?
This brings me to a theory that's been on my mind as of late.
Your happiness cannot be taken by others if it wasn't given by others.
Just as we experience happiness due to external validation, we can also feel the opposite when people disrespect or mistreat us. No one likes being told they did a poor job, and they certainly don't like feeling like their presence isn't wanted/appreciated. These things are normal.
But they're still coming from the outside.
You can (and probably should) listen to those who tell you you could be doing a better job, especially if it relates to your salary. But listening to their advice is different from letting it affect your happiness. By not giving them the power to take your happiness from you, you become immune to letting outside criticism bring you down. This is far easier said than done, and I can't write this in good consciousness without stating that I surely will still let some things from the outside get to me in the future. Nonetheless, I believe this idea is seriously worth practicing. Our connectedness to the outside world is what makes life worth it, but how connected we are to the feedback we hear can sometimes be detrimental.
And just as we can avoid being affected by outside criticism, being our own personal cheerleader can be just as powerful as a mental tool. It feels fantastic to hear from someone else that your hard work in the gym is paying off, but if you were already able to recognize and appreciate how far you've come without anyone else commenting, then the person who the feedback matters most to is the only one who needs to convey it.
No one else is responsible for our happiness but ourselves. No one else. And when we don't allow external sources to bring us up, we give ourselves the mental strength to also avoid those same sources bringing us down. For all of the grief our minds can cause us, they can also be our greatest weapon against distress. We just have to use them wisely.
"A Single Seed" is my attempt to get out one idea every day that I've learned or accumulated over the years, with the hope that it may stick in someone else's memory bank as well. The idea may be related to fitness, business, life, or philosophy, but I think you'll find that many can change domains if you wish them to. With each seed planted, a new life awaits.
Image credit: https://www.pexels.com/photo/woman-standing-beside-mirror-3252768/