How many people have you slept with?
I’ve never asked my wife that question. She’s asked me. I’m pretty sure I told her years ago when we were first dating, but I haven’t answered the question since – I’m smarter than that now.
She tries being sneaky by asking at different times. After I’ve had a few beers. When we are snuggled up and happy together. After she’s had a few glasses of wine. After we have made love. I still don’t tell her. She’ll continue to ask, of that I’m sure.
How do you even answer that question? Should you tell the truth or fudge the numbers? Do you know what your number is?
Is it even wise to tell your number to your partner?
I think it’s one of those areas in life that you never know how the other person will react. Keeping it a secret might be a smart way to navigate these frothy waters. Being somewhat of a mystery does carry a few benefits I hear.
Since this isn’t the 1950’s anymore, people are getting married later and later in life. Over the past 70 years in America the median age of first marriage has increased from 23 to 28 for men, and 20 to 26 for women. It only makes sense that the number of people you have sex with in your life would also rise. We aren’t sitting around being celibate until we meet ‘the one’, at least a vast majority of us aren’t. I wasn’t.
A recent online survey of 2,000 adults in the Europe and U.S. was conducted. It showed that between 2-15 sexual partners is considered normal. With the ideal number being between 7-8. It also showed that 70% of people think that the previous sexual history should be discussed in the first 4 months of a relationship, and that 9% of people would be very likely to breakup with someone if they thought their number was too high.
Are you one of those 9% that would end the relationship?
If you are already dating, falling in love, or together forever, will knowing the number change that? If you like the person for who they are it might be best to let the past stay there. If you find your partner charming, attractive and want to spend time with them, wouldn’t it make sense that another person has too, before you? Would their number change your thoughts about your partner?
I understand why some people might want to know. They might want to gauge the probability of sexual health issues. Or being totally open about it could help the two of you emotionally bond. For some there could even be religious reasons.
I don’t ask my wife her number. I don’t want to know because, as must as I hate to admit it, I know I would be jealous inside. I know that I shouldn’t be. It was before she ever met me. But the next time we were intimate would I be thinking about ‘the other guys’?
Would I ask for their names to search for them online to compare myself to them? If we have an argument, would her number be one of the insults I hurl at her? Would I judge her? Would I still look at my wife the same way?
Because I think this way I fear she might too. So I keep my number locked away.
If I found out her number I probably wouldn't let it get to me, but maybe it would. Once the number is told there is no forgetting it. Do I risk knowing or do I keep the past in the past?
I found my answer. Not knowing. I am content with that.
On a subject like this I believe there is no correct answer. Feel free to leave a comment with your opinion, I would like to hear it. I love to learn about different ways we all view a situation.
As for me, I have deduced that I wasn't her first and I think she knows that my number is higher than hers. More than that, we have shared so much together in our six years as a couple, two years married, and one year as parents together (with another on the way) – I don’t need to know any more specifics.
What we have is the right to insist that here is where the counting stops.
P.S.
Louisiana, what is going on my friend? Is that all Mardi Gras or what?
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