Thanks to this post of @abh12345 I stumbled upon the freshly introduced 'Road to SteemFest' Freewrite idea - introduced by @anomadsoul.
[Roadtrip through Scotland, less walking, more driving this time.]
I noticed I had actual nervousness in my stomach when thinking about writing my real feelings about going to this event. But since I sort of decided to go 'wherever the event would be held', and since the event is a huge opportunity to meet and get to know those with a digital identity a bit better, I feel like writing about these thoughts that are swirling in the back of my mind is a good first step.
The truth is: I'm more thinking about all the challenges that come with traveling towards Krakow and doing my rounds on SteemFest itself now than I'm being excited (or scared, lol) about meeting Steemians for the first time.
Now, those challenges are not financial first (although my story means financials are tight for sure). No, those challenges are about my physical state and accompanying emotional well-being.
Long-time readers already know I went on a 9-month travel adventure in 2015 only to come back with a permanently damaged foot. I'll keep this story short (and this post provides the shortest explanation of what happened), but: I'm now a person with limited mobility, and all my traveling comes with a lot of things I have to figure out next to finances.
A few things I've been worrying about since reading the announcement I had been waiting for a few months:
How to go as physically comfortable and cheap as possible at the same time?
I fly with airport assistance, which basically means I request to be transported by wheelchair through the airport so I can skip all the waiting in line and such, which is a huge strain on my feet - if I can skip the lines I can actually enjoy the first day on my destination instead of having to take a recovery day.
But recently, and I feel I'm actually tearing up writing this, I've become tired of the process. I feel helpless when someone else pushes my wheelchair. I'm an independent person (my mother says my first words were 'Let me do it!'), and I have a hard time giving myself over to either my boyfriend (who pushes the wheelchair normally, but will not join me to Krakow) or a stranger. I want (and used to with the biggest smile) to travel 'all by myself' and have been puzzling to fix these issues in both daily life (never had the wish for a driver's license, but taking lessons right now) and traveling.
It shouldn't be such a burden for me to go somewhere. But it is, it drains me, I miss the spontaneity that I used to have.
(The most comfortable flights are three times as expensive - the cheapest flights I need to take extra transportation and thus walking.)
Where are the hotels? How much is the walk between hotels? If there's more than 10 minutes walking, can I take an Uber? (Yes, there's Uber in Krakow)
Things like that, knowing how much walking will be involved, what distances I exactly have to walk, if I can be driven around - they help me ease my mind and make me less worried I won't be able to keep up with all the events being planned. The feeling of being 'left alone' is very real when people decide to 'go for that short (!) 20-minute walk', or 'drink a beer in that bar' (without available chairs).
Will there be snow? Cold?
Last winter I noticed cold makes the pain worse. It is winter in Krakow. This means I will have pain and stiff joints probably even when I don't do that much. That might take away a bit of the energy I have to actually smile and be as energetic in every conversation I will have. But also: if it's snowing those days I wouldn't know at all how to move around. The smallest irregularity on streets makes the joint that has been damaged very painful which could take days to recover. Snow makes irregularities invisible and cause them themselves.
Shall I contact @roelandp to make this event limited mobility friendly?
I though about this too. Most people don't realise how much even the smallest adjustments can mean to a person. But I'm not yet ready to become the spokesperson for people with limited mobility.
Will there be a lot of social standing events? (Dancing) parties? Standing lunches and such?
I very much dislike weddings nowadays, because healthy people seem to love chatting while standing. It makes you feel free, you can easily move towards or away from a person while chatting, all this is less flexible while sitting - it feels less natural. So I observed a lot of 'backsides' during some weddings. Often my terribly nice friends tried to help me by getting me a chair, but then in five minutes people were forgetting I was sitting there and I had to watch backs and asses.
The biggest skill I wish to learn now is: decide when I can ask a person to come sit with me. If I know you well, of course we'll sit together. But if we just met: is it awkward to you I want to sit down after a 2-minute chat in which I'm both talking and moving from one foot to another thinking 'please can I sit now?' When is that point in a conversation we both feel like we are not just being politely exchanging some basic details, but have enough to chat about to share a drink (sitting)? This point is often later than I feel comfortable standing - hence my clenched fists while trying to keep the convo going even though my feet are screaming.
You must all think I worry too much, but these are things I've already been confronted with a few times, and have therefore outgrown the 'worry' status.
Summary
Maybe the summary of this freewrite is: will I spend a lot of money while I'm still figuring out my job situation after having the accident - and be disappointed because I can't keep up with all the events that are going to take place? How will I balance my limitations with the wish to get as much of fun and chats and knowledge out of this few-day event as possible? But do I want to limit myself just because I have doubts? I want to push myself further as well and not be the person that misses out too much because life gave her a challenge.