Book Cover created in acrylic by the extremely talented @therealpaul
If you have not read the first book of the series, "Reborn", it is advisable you do so before reading "Renewal" or you will be lost. This link will provide you with a series summary as well as all sixty-eight chapters of Reborn
Chapter Thirty-Three
Jenna fell back on her bed with a snort of frustration. She had been completely unable to keep the lock on her vault. Which in many ways, she had to admit, was a good thing. Healthy. But it made it difficult to put the big freakin’ jerk out of her thoughts. In fact it made it impossible.
She was back to disliking him, which was comfortable for her in a way. But she also could not pretend she wasn’t completely in lust with him. She was irritated she had not seen his bare chest during their encounter, she imagined the tattoos that decorated it, the nipple rings which appeared a 3D extension of the tattoos…and she was irritated with herself for wanting to see it.
She blamed him completely (okay not completely) and hoped he was suffering like she was. And doubted it. A male like him did not want for female companionship.
He had helped her in a profound way, though she hated to admit it, or at least she hated to give him any credit. She’d been broken for a long time in the sexual arena, had in fact thought she was frigid, though not willingly or purposefully. But his carelessly thrown comment had hit her hard and was largely responsible for the way she’d reacted.
She had never experienced sexual desire before him. She knew why but for the first time since her cursed thirteenth birthday she could acknowledge what had happened to her. More than acknowledge, she could face it.
The day after her interlude with the neanderthal she had done something she’d never done before. She had confided her darkest secret to someone else. She had sought out her aunt and through humiliated tears spelled out the details of her adolescent rape, then followed it up with her tryst with Mathias.
Before she’d made the confession she had experienced a certain amount of terror that she was seriously warped. Since she’d never felt desire for anyone before him, to have gotten off in such a violent way scared her deeply. She thought she might be sick, deriving physical pleasure from an experience which had almost mimicked her adolescent horror.
Through tears of anger and pain she’d let the story pour forth and when she was finished Harri had held her hand and spoke to her in a very rational way. She hadn’t been pitying or even soothing. Instead she had taken a matter of fact tone and her words had changed the way Jenna thought about so many things.
She was in no way to blame for what had happened to her as a near-child. Of course she’d known that, but the way Harri had said it drove it home for her. Her aunt had then gone on to explain that a person’s sexuality was extremely complicated and it was indeed possible that hers was defined a bit by what had happened to her.
She’d started to panic at the thought of that, but her aunt had smiled and shook her head saying “No sweetie, it’s not something to be afraid of or ashamed of. It just is what it is, and you can work with it.” Then she’d said, “Let me ask you something. If you would have told Mathias to stop, would he have listened?”
Jenna had thought about it and nodded. She realized there was no doubt she could have made him stop.
Then Harri had asked, “And, if you had exhibited emotional distress would he have comforted you?”
Once again she’d nodded, admitting he had done that.
“So you see honey, it was nothing like rape. Yes it was forceful but there are many women who not only enjoy it but even prefer sex in that manner. For many different reasons, but I think it’s safe to say being dominated is a very normal sexual fantasy. And as far as the anger aspect is concerned, strong emotions can easily translate into passion.”
By the time they were finished talking Jenna had felt as if an enormous weight had been lifted from her shoulders.
And now…now she wanted to see him again so she could chew him out for putting her in that position and then abandoning her. Not that she had wanted him to stay with her, but he didn’t know that. And he should have made the offer. So she could shoot it down.
Stupid, gorgeous, infuriating, beautiful male. He was such an asshole.
She forced him out of her mind, something she was constantly doing, and her thoughts drifted back to Anna. Last night she’d dreamt of her friend, and as usual she couldn’t remember the details. But she’d had a sense that she was deeply distressed. She took out her cell phone staring at it, wishing for the umpteenth time it would ring and Anna’s musical voice would be on the other end.
She stared harder, willing her friend to call her, and all of a sudden she was struck with a feeling…she found herself pressing buttons without knowing where the numbers were coming from. When she completed the task she blinked in surprise. She didn’t recognize the number, but the area code was from her home town.
She pushed send and tentatively held the phone up to her ear.
“Hello?” A woman’s voice answered, not one she recognized.
“Um, I might have the wrong number, but I was looking for Anna?”
“Oh no, you have the right number dear, may I say who’s calling?”
Jenna sat in shocked silence for a moment. “Jenna.”
She could hear movement and then the woman’s voice calling out her friend’s name. She pinched herself to make sure she wasn’t dreaming. It hurt.
“Jenna! How did you get this number?”
“I…um, damn, I don’t know, it just came to me! What…where are you? Whose number is this? Who was that woman? Are you okay?” She shot out one question after another then clamped her mouth shut, her mind whirling.
“I’m at home, it’s my dad’s number, Bonnie is his nurse and….yes and no. I was gonna call you, probably today. I’m sorry, it’s a really long story. I’d love it if you came here, I would love to see you. In fact…I need you to come.”
“Of course! You’re at home? I’ll be there in a few hours!”
“Okay, I’ll explain everything when you get here.”
“See you soon.” Jenna hung up the phone feeling flabbergasted. She’d finally had a vision that was useful! But why would Anna be home? Her dad’s nurse, wha…? She shook her head while she gathered up a few things then called her aunt and filled her in.
Fifteen minutes later she was on the road.
Generously created for me by @son-of-satire