The rooster announced a new morning and woke up John Svashta.
He put on his work clothes and left for the kitchen to put on the kettle to brew himself a cup of coffee.
Appaled by the sight he was greeted with when he looked through his kitchen window, he began yelling and cursing and forgot about the coffee altogether.
He rushed outside to assess the damage on his car when he saw the shape of the manure spelled out “bad man” and was accompanied by human vomit with still visible undigested pieces of pasta. He didn’t know why he would be labeled a bad man, which consequentially made him even more furious with anger. After all, he treated each and every person – and even his cows – with utmost respect, vowed to never harm a living creature unless forced to by external (sadly usually financial) means and just overall always tried his best to be the better person in every situation.
Amid the cursing and threatening his neighbor farmer Jim out loud, he remembered last night’s events.
John ran to the barn to check on his cows and quickly realized 3 additional cows were missing and the remaining cattle seemed to be completely frightened, laying down in the very corners of the barn.
“Jim, that son of a #%&@!! How #%&@!! dare he? I put my heart and soul into breeding my cows, I work day and night to pay my bills fair and square and he has the audacity to not just throw manure at my car, write with it and then throw up in disgust, no, he even steals my cows. #%&@!!! But fine. If that’s how you want to play, let’s play!”
John Svashta stormed out of the barn and slammed the doors behind him. Even the cows could feel something was very, very wrong.
Like the day prior, John brought out the pressure washer to wash his car, only this time all he was thinking about was a plan on how to get back at Jim for what he had done to him. He occasionally smiled at the idea of getting back at Jim, but being a moral man, he decided not to steal or harm Jim. At least not until he caught him red handed.
John then set off to milk the cows and perfect the battle plan, but for some reason the cows were all afraid of him.
“Strange. That prick must’ve scared you quite a bit. Come, Suzy, you’re next,” he said as he had to almost chase Suzy across the barn. He had to rub her nose the way she loved it rubbed for three solid minutes before she calmed down enough to be milked, then sat down at her side and went to work.
“Don’t you worry, my lovelies, I’ll get that bastard for what he’s done. Don’t you worry, not one bit. For if he comes back today, he’s in for a surprise. Oh, a surprise indeed!” John’s eyes shone for the first time that day when he said those words. He had a plan already forged in his mind and because he just had to share it with someone, even if it meant with the cows.
“You see, we’re going to make it seem like everything’s completely normal. Like it’s just another normal day. When in fact, oh boy,” John Svashta laughed out loud, amused by his own plan; “I’m going to hide in the haystacks right over there,” he pointed at the far end of the barn and continued; “and wait for him to step inside, completely unsuspicious, and then… and then I’ll pop out and shoot the bastard with the tranquilizer dart and wait for the police. No way they can tell me he’s innocent then.”
Having trusted someone with the battle plan, he set out the barn and took care of the rest of his chores before nightfall.
Little did he know that the cows could understand every word he said since Clarabelle’s last visit.
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