This photo is taken by my friend. Check out her work at her Facebook Page.
Don’t feel sorry for me, but I want to talk about my experience, and hopefully connect with any others here who have had to deal with hearing issues or bullying because they’re simply different.
I was born in 1988. At that time, Albania was still under the control of the communist regime and many services and products were either obsolete or outdated, including healthcare. My country was totally isolated from the rest of world, especially after the dictator Enver Hoxha decided to stop political and economical cooperation with Russia and China.
Back to the topic though, during my mom’s pregnancy with me, she got sick with the flu. When she went for a visit to our family doctor, they said it would be ok to use antibiotics to stop her flu. My mother expressed her doubts that antibiotics should not be taken while being pregnant but the doctor insisted it was not a problem.
Then I was born. According to the doctor and nurses, I was healthy. The only issue: I wasn’t able to speak properly until I was 4 years old. Everybody was wondering why... When I started to attend kindergarten, the teachers were spending a lot of time with me teaching me to recite short poems and songs. I couldn’t, and one of them suggested to my mother that I might have a problem with my hearing. My mother didn’t want to believe it and then it hit her. It was the anti-flu antibiotics. My first visit to otolaryngologist was painful. My mother blamed herself and she couldn’t stop crying when the doctor said that my problem was a congenital disorder and the solution was hearing aid devices. At least, I didn’t completely lose my hearing abilities! I was very grateful for that. I still don’t know what the main reason is that I can’t hear like people with healthy hearing. All I know is that there is some kind of damage in my ear “snail” or cochlea.
I cried a lot when they told me I had to go to school. How could I go to school? I couldn’t hear properly, I still didn’t have my hearing devices (the doctor suggested to start using them when I reach the age 11) and I didn’t know the elementary teacher. And what about the class mates? I was screwed, that’s what I kept thinking. I had already knew how tough kids could be on someone different, and now school everyday with new kids in one classroom! How could I pass school when I could not hear normally? How could I listen to teacher’s explanation for any school subject? I was lucky. The teacher was a beautiful soul. She supported me for 4 years in a row and I was able to get good grades. Actually, I was among the best students of my class. She never treated me like I was special and never made me feel like an outsider.
As for my classmates, well that’s a totally different story. However, the biggest challenge that I have faced is acceptance from other people, I am the same like everybody else. You don’t have to me treat me like I am from outer space. Hearing impairment is common actually, and maybe some of you even deal with it. In The United States, “Hearing loss occurs in 5 out of every 1,000 newborns” . I always tell everybody, just imagine that I am wearing glasses, would you look at me differently?
It’s hard to remember being bullying because the experiences were not so nice. I have pushed them deep in my mind, into a safe, and threw away the key in the sea of my mind palace. It’s hard to share really, but I’m inspired by others here and I hope it helps. One time I was beaten up by another girl. I was around 6 or 7 years old, because of constant teasing about my hearing. The physical attack was nothing compared to what scrutiny I had to go through. There would always be a gang of kids who thought that they were the best and the strongest. Several times I had to pass through the main road and a group of girls would just shout at me “Deaf”. If you say it to me know I can handle it. But when you’re a kid, it’s different. I felt alone, I felt sad and I felt angry. Humans are political animals, we are built to create bonds with other people and fulfill the pressures of being accepted, and liked to “fit in”. Being partially deaf did not help. The kids could not comprehend how a human could not hear normally and they will see you like you are an alien. I had to work my ability to cope since I was a child and learn to let the emotional frustration motivate me to be the best I can be.
Bullying continued in high school. It was different, no physical confrontation at all but it was mostly verbal and emotional, and it was not only about my hearing impaired issues. There was one bullying incident in a place I worked which I quit after many months. (Not because the person insulted me about my hearing disability, it was mostly because I didn’t find myself in the company)
When they go low, we go high - Michelle Obama
I have forgiven all the people, especially the ones who bullied during my childhood. One of them also apologized to me when I was older and I didn't even ask for it. I know what they are doing and they know what I am doing in general. Albania is a small country and the word spreads fast.
I have learned many things from these bad experiences. In general, bullies are dangerous people. They tend to express their anger and frustration towards people around them and usually they aim at weak targets. Often they focus on quiet people. Initially, they do not have bad character but due to family problems, or other kinds of problems they are experiencing , they show destructive behavior as the only way to receive attention, which usually doesn’t work. (I am not a psychologist or psychoanalyst, God forbid. These are my opinions based on my persona experiences).Bullying is evil but what’s worse, are the people who see it happen and do not react and remain silent. Whenever I see injustice and bullying, I don’t remain silent, I stand up and say something, and offer defense when I can. Inaction is a choice, and you can change a life, by sticking up for someone.
It’s fun watching a football match. Most of the time the players are just cursing under their breath and it’s so easy for me read their lips because the most common curse words usually create a common lip movement. Reading lips saved me. I started to use hearing aid devices when I reached 11 years old. Until then, I was just focused on everybody’s lips to learn their lips and facial muscle movement. Everyone’s facial and lips movement is unique. For me it’s easy to recognize that because I have been doing it for the last 28 years. It taught me to understand body language and helps me judge good character. So far, my intuition has never proved me wrong. As a rule, when I see a person that doesn’t use their lips to talk properly (every letter has a particular lips movement) , I don’t trust him or her, maybe because I just can’t understand it. I suppose I could be a professional poker player some day, I’ll have to find something that makes me laugh, or is good for business with the skills I’ve practiced for so long.
I have a lot of friends coming to me and asking which devices are the best to use. There are a lot of great companies that have come out with hearing aids that are basically more powerful to assist those that need more than just increased volume. I currently use the Widex base model, which works well. I work mostly from home telecommuting so I’m able to be on calls and communicate with my clients fine. It’s great how the technology has improved. 15 years Widex was producing manual devices. Currently, they sell digital hearing aids which are better. The only issue is that they are a bit expensive.
My widex hearing aids looks like this:
I found about a new Silicon Valley startup which is working on the Eargo Pro, which comes out in September. The original Eargo was great but does not sell anymore. Hopefully, once I get financially stable I will purchase a pair. It’s much smaller so you can’t see them and I think it will work much better. If you or someone else that you know has hearing problems, check it out, I called them and they said in September you can buy. The difference between Widex and Eargo is the price, technology and design. Eargo is cheaper and you recharge the batteries. Widex, on the other hand, is not only expensive but you also have to buy new batteries to keep using them. Eargo uses new cutting edge technology such as noise reduction and their devices do not block ear canals, letting bass sounds pass through.
Thank you for reading. It's a personal story, my story, but it’s who I am and getting it all out was helpful. Feel free to ask me more question below in the comment section or you can simply share your own stories.
Be the best you can be,
@thebluepanda
Disclamer: I am not affiliated or associated with any company mentioned above.
For verification: Here is my introduction post.
