This is the fifth part of my series post about Filipino jokes translated for Western audiences. Please check out Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, and part 4 if you haven't read them already.
The Dolphin votes on the 4th part of the post have encouraged me to keep going. Maybe the 5th time's the charm for the "miracle votes" to come back? (Fingers-crossed this time).
There are still many more good jokes that need translating. These jokes are the products of Filipinos' creativity, ingenuity, and love of social drinking.
So enjoy and Steem on!
The Hot Seat
CHILD: Mom, Dad made me stand up and give up my seat for a lady on the bus!
MOTHER: Honey, its alright. It is good manners to give your seat to a lady.
CHILD: But I was SITTING ON DAD'S LAP!
Rich Thinking
TEACHER: Class, for today's activity, just imagine yourselves as MILLIONAIRES and write down what you are going to do!
STUDENTS: Yes, ma'am!
TEACHER: Johnny! Why aren't you writing???
JOHNNY: Oh, I'm waiting for MY SECRETARY to do it for me!
Farming Pair
BOYFRIEND: I'm so angry at John! He says I look like a FARMER when I'm besides you!
GIRLFRIEND: HA HA HA! Don't be mad...he's just joking! Why would he say that?
BOYFRIEND: He says it's because you look like a COW!
GIRLFRIEND: That BASTARD! GRRR!!!
The Lesson
TEACHER: 0kay class, our lesson for today, is science. Before I proceed, what is science?
JOHN: Ma'am!!! Ma'am!!! Me ma'am, I know the answer!
TEACHER: Yes, John? What is science?
JOHN: Ma'am, science is our lesson for today!
The Wiseass
DAD: Son, go to the store and buy me a beer.
SON: Regular or light?
DAD: Light.
SON: Can or bottle?
DAD: Bottle.
SON: 12 ounces or 1 liter?
DAD: (Angry) Nevermind, just give me a glass of water!
SON: Mineral or distilled?
DAD: Mineral.
SON: Hot or Cold?
DAD: I'm gonna beat you with a stick!
SON: Long or short?
DAD: Come here, you fool!
SON: Simple or silly?
DAD: Why, YOU ANIMAL!!!
SON: Cat or dog?
Misheard
Meanwhile in a hospital...
DOC: Miss Tiffany, you look weak and exhausted! Did you follow my advice about taking 3 MEALS A DAY?
TIFFANY: Omigod! Take 3 MEALS A DAY? I thought you said TAKE 3 MALES A DAY!!!
The Disguise
A wife disguised herself as the Devil in order to frighten and teach her drunkard husband a lesson...
DRUNK HUSBAND: Who the hell are you?
WIFE: I am the Devil! You're always drinking! I'll take you to Hell!
DRUNK HUSBAND: You don't scare me! I married your sister!
Common Sense
A kid submitted his art work to the art teacher...
TEACHER: Why is your work blank?
KID: Sir, I drew a cow in a grassy patch.
TEACHER: (Looking at paper) Where's the grass?
KID: Gone, the cow ate it.
TEACHER: (Scratching his head) So where's the cow?
KID: What's the cow gonna do when the grass is gone? Of course it will go away to find another grassy patch to eat... Use your common sense, Sir!
Brave
PETER: No kidding, James is so brave! He jumped off the plane without a parachute!
JOHN: Oh, really? How did you know?
PETER: I attended his funeral service!
Annulment
A couple went to Court to have their marriage annuled.
JUDGE: What's the reason for annulment?
WIFE: (Head bowed while speaking) Your Honor, he's only after my body.
JUDGE: Do you have any proof?
WIFE: (Head still bowed) Everytime we make love, he covers my head with a towel!
JUDGE: And you, Sir? Why do you do that?
HUSBAND: No comment, your Honor. Just see for yourself.
WIFE: (Now angrily facing the Judge) See how rude he is!
JUDGE: (Looking at the wife) Annulment petition granted! You, Sir, why did you wait to file the annulment? I admire your patience and guts!
Sources: http://www.pinoyfailblog.com/2013/10/100-best-pinoy-jokes-of-all-time-81-90.html http://pinoytagalogjokes.tumblr.com/
Image Sources: Google Images for noncommercial use and Pixabay
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