This is a segment of 🚀MISSION CONTROL🚀 With Me! @carrieallen that airs LIVE every MONDAY NIGHT 12 AM UTC on the Steemstar Network, hosted by our very own WITNESS @sircork. You know what to do.😎 And if you don't- just ask!😍

This debuted on May 28, 2018.

Written by @chrisroberts!

I'm looking for collaborators!

We will be needing more voice actors, some re-curring, some for single episodes. I'd also like to invite YOU to write a short script for us. They would need be able to be performed in UNDER 10 minutes, or broken up into 5 or 10-minute segments. We'll be primarily using these on my Friday night show Steemstar After Dark. Running same time as Mission Control, but Fridays. Easy peasy. 🤩

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Space Carrie's Adventures in Space! Episode 5

Written by @chrisroberts

SPACE CARRIE’S ADVENTURES IN SPACE - EPISODE 5
Written by Chris Roberts
May 17, 2018

CAST
ANNOUNCER
NARRATOR
HENRY
CAPTAIN CORK
CARRIE
LYDIA
STOWAWAY/SKY DANCER

SOUND FX - AND NOW…

ANNOUNCER
Is your watch still just telling the boring old time? Try the incredible new space-time watch from Steemstar. With this wonderful and stylish wrist watch, you can always know your exact location in the space-time continuum. We all know continuums can be a handful… let Steemstar put your mind at ease. Once you make your first purchase, we think you’ll continue-em.

SOUND FX - STEEMSTAR FOR YOUR FAMILY
SOUND FX - OUTER SPACE BACKGROUND

NARRATOR
Last time, when we left our heroes aboard the Steem Starship, Space Carrie and Captain Cork’s heads were unfortunately switched… The result of a not-so-accidental transporter malfunction. Thanks to the expert psychic surgery of Dr. Everett P. Spludge, our heroes are now reunited with their bodies, but thanks to his exorbitant fee, Captain Cork’s space wallet is now 23 million Space Doge lighter.

HENRY
Beep boop. Cheer up, Captain. There will always be more space doge. Beep boop.

CAPTAIN CORK
You think so, Henry? I was saving those space doge for a space motorcycle, but nevermind that.

HENRY
Beep boop. Well at least you’ve got your head back. Beep boop.

SPACE CARRIE
And what about me? I’m happy to have my head back in the right place too. You can always buy a space motorcycle with your share of my bounty, James. If we ever make it to Interplanetary Justice that is..

KEVIN
SOUND FX - REMINDER

SPACE CARRIE
Kevin’s right, Captain! You had better send that secret laser information to Tina Tyrannica now, before we get into some other space pickle and forget about it. How about a little Bossa Nova, Kevin?

KEVIN
SOUND FX - BOSSA NOVA UNDERSCORING BEGINS

CAPTAIN CORK
I’m way ahead of you, Space Carrie. Lydia? Prepare to transcribe a space mail message to Queen Tina Tyrannica of Barnum 6!

LYDIA
Indeed, Captain. Allow me a moment to consult my intergalactic superdata multibase… Consulting… consulting…

SOUND FX - DING DING DING

I have located the space mail coordinates for Queen Tina Tyrannica, the cyborg queen of Barnum 6… Oh Captain… Are you sure you want to get involved with Tina again? Remember how she was always trying to…

CAPTAIN CORK
...Disembody my brain? Yeah, I remember. Well Lydia, she’s an impossibly powerful space tyrant now, and if we don’t want her cyborg death-squads banging down our airlock, we’d better play space ball.

LYDIA
I understand, Captain. I presume you agreed to share some coveted piece of Steemstar technology with her in exchange for your fragile and pathetic human lives.

SPACE CARRIE
Geez, Lydia. You sound just like her.

LYDIA
Purely coincidence, I assure you.

CAPTAIN CORK
That’s the long and short of it, Lydia. Here’s the message: Tina, my space mail account has been hacked, and to this point I have been unable to send any messages. I’ve been on the space phone all morning with space mail tech support, but I won’t be able to send you the laser data, or any other space mail until I get this crap worked out. Talk soon. Signed, Jimothy T. Cork.

LYDIA
Is that all, Captain?

CAPTAIN CORK
P.S… No need for death squads. Send.

LYDIA
My intergalactic superdata multibase will now send the message… sending… sending… sending…

SOUND FX - AIM messenger sound

Your message has been sent. Thank you for using Microsoft OuterSpaceLook. (Thank you for using McAfee Space Mail.)

SPACE CARRIE
Wow! That sent really fast. Where do you get your intergalnet from?

HENRY
Beep Boop. She runs on Android.

SOUND FX - Ba dump sploinge! (rim shot/boing)

SPACE CARRIE
Um, Captain? If your space mail account was hacked, why did you just send a space mail to explain the problem?

CAPTAIN CORK
[not getting it]
How else would I do it, Little Miss Space Smarts?

HENRY
Beep boop. Give him a second. He’ll get it. Beep boop.

SPACE CARRIE
James! You sent a space mail saying that you are unable to send space mails. Do you not see a problem with that?

CAPTAIN CORK
[finally getting it]
Son-of-a--

SOUND FX - DUN DUN DUNNNNN

NARRATOR
Captain Cork seems to have revealed his own bluff to Tina Tyrannica. Thanks to the Captain’s unbelievably bad lying, it looks like now our heroes will have to prepare for incoming cyborg death squads after all. Are the cyborg death squads really as bad as they sound? Find out after this message!

ANNOUNCER
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WOMAN
Oh my! Look at all these great Steemstar products… What do you think that one does?

ANNOUNCER
I don’t know, honey. Let’s buy it and find out!

SOUND FX - STEEMSTAR FOR YOUR FAMILY

NARRATOR
And we’re back aboard the Steem Starship, where Captain Cork has just explained that although he never meant to give over the laser technology in the first place, it was not his intention to reveal his plans to Tina Tyrannica so soon. Captain Cork now faces a barrage of questions about cyborg death-squads from his companions.

SPACE CARRIE
Stick to the truth, Captain. You suck at lying.

CAPTAIN CORK
The cyborg death-squad will be coming. It’s not a question of if, but when.

HENRY
Beep boop. How long do you think we have, Captain? Beep boop.

CAPTAIN
Maybe a couple days. Can’t say for sure.

KEVIN
SOUND FX - WHAT ABOUT ME

SPACE CARRIE
No, Kevin. I doubt the cyborgs have a need for a multi-talented human minstrel… They may want to turn you into a cyborg though.

CAPTAIN
That’s nonsense. Everybody knows the only thing cyborg death-squads are good for is killing. Everybody relax! I’ve fought off death-squads before, I’ll fight off this one. This ship has state-of-the-art defenses, and since they can track us down wherever we go, there’s no point in sitting here worrying about death-squads.

HENRY
Beep boop. Right. Why would we be worried about that? Beep boop.

SPACE CARRIE
Well, I guess my laser sword is fully charged and ready for action. What are we going to do in the meantime? Should we start making our way to Interplanetary Justice?

CAPTAIN CORK
We’ve already set a course, Space Carrie! For now, we’ve got something guaranteed to take your mind off of any lingering death-squad anxiety…

HENRY
Beep boop. Is that the SteemStar guarantee? Beep boop.

CAPTAIN CORK
You’re damn right it is! Ladies and gentlemen, it’s time for the tour!

SOUND FX - SMALL FANFARE

SPACE CARRIE
Where did you get that top hat all of a sudden?

CAPTAIN CORK
Prepare yourselves for the wonders of the Steem Starship! Help me out here, Kevin!

SPACE CARRIE
Oh. my. doge. Are you going to sing?

KEVIN
SOUND FX - ELABORATE MUSICAL INTRODUCTION

CAPTAIN CORK
It’s really the only way to express the majesty of the Steem Starship.
[ad lib vocal warm-ups]

SOUND FX - DANGER SIREN

LYDIA
Danger. Danger. Danger. Danger. Danger. [repeating]

HENRY
Beep boop. Oh no. What’s wrong, Lydia? Beep boop.

SPACE CARRIE
I guess your song will have to wait, Captain.

CAPTAIN CORK
Dammit! What’s the danger, Lydia?

LYDIA
[mumbling inaudibly]
Failure to engage space warp engines…

CAPTAIN
What’s that?

LYDIA
Failure to engage space warp engines, Captain.

SPACE CARRIE
Some starship. Why won’t the space warp engines engage, Lydia?

LYDIA
The ion plasma space rods have been dislodged from their precise calibrations, due to an… infestation.

CAPTAIN CORK
[pulling laser]
Here we go… I wonder what kind of creature got in there.

LYDIA
Actually Captain… It’s creatures, and there are hundreds of them.

CAPTAIN CORK
Can you show us the video on the comm screen, Lydia?

LYDIA
Certainly. Broadcasting security footage from the warp plaza.

SOUND FX - SQUEAKING AND CHIRPING

HENRY
Beep boop. What are they, Captain? Beep boop

SPACE CARRIE
They’re so cute! It looks like a huge pile of fluffy teddy bears.

CAPTAIN CORK
Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve got tribbles.

SOUND FX - DUN DUN DUNNNNNNN

NARRATOR
What hidden danger could these adorable little fluff balls hold, and how have they managed to sabotage the space warp engines of the Steem Starship? Our heroes are certainly in for a cuddly adventure, after this!

SOUND FX - WOOSH

ANNOUNCER
Are you tired of humans making your food wrong? At Steemstar, so are we! That’s why we created the Steemstar Robot Country Kitchen… Good ole home cooked vittles, made to order by the precision Steemstar robots you know you can trust. So bring your family down to one of our 214 locations galaxy wide. Let robots take care of dinner!

SOUND FX - STEEMSTAR FOR YOUR FAMILY

NARRATOR
Space Carrie, Captain Cork, Henry the Robot, and Kevin the mute Space Minstrel have now completed the long trek through the Steem Starship, arriving at the Warp Plaza. As they listen to the tribbles squeaking and purring on the other side of the door, the team plans their attack,

SOUND FX - SQUEAKING AND PURRING

SPACE CARRIE
This ship is way bigger than I thought.

CAPTAIN
Size doesn’t matter. But yes it is. The biggest.

HENRY
Beep boop. What is your plan to remove the Tribbles, Captain? Beep boop.

SPACE CARRIE
Tribbles! Now I remember! Those little fluffy things from Star Tr--
Wait, but aren’t they copyrighted?

CAPTAIN CORK
Whether or not they’re copyrighted is irrelevant, Space Carrie.

LYDIA
[butting in]
Allow me, Captain. The Tribble is a synthetic species that was genetically engineered for the old-earth opera known as Star Trek. Created by David Gerrold in 1967, this rapidly-reproducing species quickly made its way far and wide across the fictional universe, causing cuddly and furry havoc on countless planets in numerous galaxies.

CAPTAIN CORK
Wow, Lydia. Thanks for that, I guess.

SPACE CARRIE
These things have a litter of ten every twelve hours, and they’re born pregnant. How long have they been in there?

HENRY
Beep boop. We can probably tell by how many there are. They must be drinking the warp juice, Captain. Beep boop.

CAPTAIN CORK
Dammit, that stuff is expensive! These tribbles have got to go! That’s why we had to make that pit-stop down in laser storage. These are the only lasers for the job.

SPACE CARRIE
Don’t let their purring get to you. It’s known for tranquilizing humans.

CAPTAIN CORK
Oh, don’t worry. We’re going in blasting…

NARRATOR
With that, Captain Cork removes two large assault lasers from the duffel bag he picked up at laser storage. He hands one to space Carrie and without a moment’s hesitation, kicks open the door to the warp plaza.

SOUND FX - TRIBBLES SQUEALING AND LASERS

The Tribbles are everywhere! They are attempting to scatter, but one by one they are disappearing in a flash as they are mercilessly mowed down by the laser fire of Captain Cork and Space Carrie.

CAPTAIN CORK
Don’t let ‘em escape! If even one gets away, we’ll be doing this again next week!

SPACE CARRIE
I never thought I’d be laser-slaughtering fluff balls on a Starship!

CAPTAIN
Just keep zapping! Get that pile over there! Leave no tribble un-zapped!

SPACE CARRIE
[startled] What the-- Who the hell is that?

CAPTAIN CORK
I don’t know who the hell that is! Hey you! Get out of the way! You wanna get blasted?!

NARRATOR
Much to everyone’s surprise, a young stowaway emerges from behind a vanished load of tribbles. His ratty hair falls sloppily past his shoulders, he is dressed in rags, and even amid the smell of assault laser exhaust, his odor does not go unnoticed. With a far-off look in his eye, the stowaway slips quietly out of the line of fire. Finally, the last tribble has been blasted.

SOUND FX - SHORT VICTORY SONG

SPACE CARRIE
Maybe that would’ve been easier with my laser sword.

CAPTAIN CORK
Are you crazy? That would’ve killed them.

SPACE CARRIE
Yeah. What’s your point?

CAPTAIN CORK
Did you think we were killing the tribbles, Space Carrie?

SPACE CARRIE
Well, yeah. Weren’t we?

HENRY
Beep boop. No. Those were transport lasers. Beep boop.

CAPTAIN CORK
So lemme get this straight, Space Carrie. You thought you were just killing thousands of helpless tribbles, and you just went along with it? That’s cold. Real cold. Naw, we just gave them a better life.

SPACE CARRIE
Where’d you transport them to?

CAPTAIN CORK
They’ll be happily living out the rest of their days in the giant rainforests of Tropicanius Gargantua, where there’s plenty of room, plenty of food, and more importantly, giant animals to eat them.

SPACE CARRIE
Very humane, Captain. I’m impressed.

CAPTAIN CORK
And what about you? You’re a ruthless laser killer!

SPACE CARRIE
We’ll talk about that later. For now, should we figure out who the hell this guy is?

CAPTAIN CORK
Absolutely. Alright, you. Who are you and what are you doing on my starship? Who sent you?! Huh? Huh?! My robot has ways of making you talk…

HENRY
Beep boop. I really don’t. Beep boop.

STOWAWAY
My name… is Sky Dancer.

CAPTAIN CORK
Is that your actual name?

SKY DANCER
Of course it is. It is my ethereal essence, as well as a symbol for who and what I am in this universe, given to me by spirit.

SPACE CARRIE
Aha! So you named yourself that. Are you a dancer or something?

SKY DANCER
I don’t dance. It’s really more of a metaphorical dance, as in my dance through the sky. I travel aimlessly through the celestial realm, bearing witness to the incredible wonders of space, spreading the message of universal intergalactic peace, and panhandling when I need space doge.

CAPTAIN CORK
How long have you been stowing away on my friggin’ starship? And if you were in here, how come you didn’t do something about the tribbles?

SKY DANCER
These beautiful and fluffy creatures are a testament to the astounding power of the universe, man. Plus I didn’t have a pillow or sleeping bag, so I just kind of burrowed into the tribbles. Slept like a baby for… weeks? I don’t know. Those little things were so relaxing.

SPACE CARRIE
So what? You just sneak onto people’s ships, don’t pay for stuff and travel the galaxy preaching peace and harmony?

SKY DANCER
I follow my bliss, as it leads me through the stars.

[pause]

SPACE CARRIE
Can we just eject him into space, Captain?

SKY DANCER
No need for that! I promise I’m useful.

CAPTAIN CORK
We’ll see how useful you are… After you take a friggin’ shower. You smell like cat pee somehow. Henry, after you’ve re-calibrated the ion plasma space rods in the warp engines, please show Mr. Sky Dancer to the showers.

SKY DANCER
Thanks, but I know my way around.

SPACE CARRIE
[frustrated]
If you knew where the showers were, why didn’t you-- nevermind.

NARRATOR
As the young Sky Dancer walks away, taking his foul air with him, and Space Carrie and Captain Cork head back toward the main deck, our heroes know that this new addition to their crew will present a trial for not only their sinuses, but their patience as well. Will the space-hiking hippie stowaway be able to clean up his act? Have the space warp engines sustained any lasting damage from the adorable tribbles? More importantly, will our heroes ever reach their destination of Interplanetary Justice to retrieve their gazillions of space doge? Find out next week, on…

SOUND FX - SPACE CARRIE TITLE
SOUND FX - STEEMSTAR FOR YOUR FAMILY
END

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