This is Part 6 of a community-written sci-fi parody serial.
Part 1: Steem Wars: No, I Would Not Recommend This Product, by @tanglebranch
Part 2: Steem Wars: In Space, No One Can Hear Your Spleen, by @negativer
Part 3: Steemwars - To Shoot or Not to Shoot, Never the Question, by @jasonbu
Part 4: Steemwars - For Whom the Toenails, by @tanglebranch
Part 5: Steemwars - Starship Twerkers, by @negativer
Our mission:
As delivered by @gmuxx, The Time Lord: Your crew is to visit the Spleen system and investigate a time-space-interface anomaly, which interferes with Strawberro 9's atmosphere.
Our crew:
Galacdictator Tangle (@tanglebranch): Character profile here
Underlord Negavader (@negativer): Character profile here
Byepeex Reist-Stoomtrooper Destroyer (@jasonbu): Character profile here
Sixty-Wine (@caleblailmusik): Character profile here
On Board: The Intangible
Perfector Class War Vessel
Serial Number BYOB-9021-O
Location: The surface of Strawberro 9.
I stared at red shirt as he fumbled around with his nipples, again. I was mildly aroused. I offered him my niiple, if he wanted. I was rewarded with an immediate stink eye.
Focus… focus… locals on the perimeter
From red shirt’s nipple. The voice again. Sweet and out of this world. I swooned, it was a reflex, nothing that I could control. It came with the beautiful body that I possessed.
Red shirt looked at me, somewhat judgingly. Or was that a conniving look?
Maybe I should just shoot him and beam up to the Galacdicta-love-or, be with her all on my own.
I mumbled, “Three’s a crowd, red shirt.”
I thumbed my blaster in its holster.
"Pex, buddy, pal. Let's go meet your new boss." he tapped his third nipple. "Beam us up!"
On Board: The Intangible
Perfector Class War Vessel
Serial Number BYOB-9021-O
Location: On Board: The Intangible.
As we materialized I drew down on red shirt, for the second time. I fired three, highly trained, blasts at his midsection. My buttcheeks clenched in anticipation of the kill. Maybe a little tingle for Galacdicta-love-or happened, not sure - heat of the moment.
I reflexively dove for cover, but managed to wink at her as she huddled in the corner. I added a little Pex-flex(™) for good measure.
Clang, clang, clang.
“Oh, for Gods sake. NOT AGAIN!”
I peered over the crate. I missed. Again. There was red shirt, hands on hips looking right at me. A box of smoldering Sixty-wine sitting at his feet.
“Can you, just for once, STOP SHOOTING AT ME!”
I looked at my blaster. It was sparkly. There was a sparkly mist in the air.
“Is this glitter, what the fu..?”
“STOP!”
The voice hit me like a personal performance by Sy Snootles, soothingly disarming. I dropped my glittered blaster. I turned to bask in her glory. She even had a blaster trained on me. The floating glitter framed her beauty.
Red shirt cleared his throat and chirped out, “Galacdorktaco, er um, Galacdictator Tangle, may I introduce Pex.”
I looked at Red shirt, large sweat stains under his pits.
Eww, that’s shirts garbage, must be nervous. What’s he up to?
I bowed deeply towards Galacdicta-love-or.
“Galacdictator, I humbly offer you my services, all of my services.”
I followed with a charm ladened smile and a wink. I added a little Pex-flex(™) for good measure. One can never be too careful in the charm department.
Uh, oh, the glitter is starting to chafe.
I squirmed a little. The glitter was getting everywhere.
Galacdictator Tangle looked at me and smiled.
Ha, got her. Must have been the application of the Pex-flex(™).
“What should we do with this one?”
Oh man, need to adjust… the glitter.
“Huh?”
Missed that, bloody glitter.
She sighed, “What should we do with this one?”
“What do you mean, I just got here?”
The itch. Ugh, can’t stand it.
“Not you, you gorgeous hunk of,” she shook her head trying to dispel my overtures, “nevermind. No, that. It seems we have a stowaway on Underlord Negavader.”
She pointed her blaster towards red shirt’s hitchhiking third mammary gland.
Oh gods, I can’t stand it.
I broke down and adjusted and grinned with contentment.
“Ahhhhhhh.”
To be continued...Not sure how wise that may be...
WOULD YOU LIKE TO KNOW MORE?
STEEM Wars is the brainchild of @gmuxx. It is a community creativity parody project with a sci-fi basis. Read more in the following links:
Image: Pixabay, Gmuxx and me.
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