I am a loner. I highly appreciate my alone time. Even when I’m surrounded by people I love, I need my alone time after that. It’s almost like people drain my energy – I don’t know how to better explain it. When I’m by myself, I recharge. I could go quite some time without socializing. Sometimes even too much where I start to overthink and get too much into my head. During my alone time, I hardly ever felt lonely. I fill my time with reading, watching movies/TV series, journaling or just spend time in the garden/backyard when the weather is nice.
Lately I had some activities like guitar lessons and dance fitness classes where I was surrounded by people, I stayed in touch with my friends, I got off the Social Media (Instagram to be more specific), I got back on posting on Steemit but I don’t remember the time when I felt more lonely. I still can’t point out the exact reason(s) but I feel like nobody really understands me and that nobody really knows me. Like really, really knows me. Not even my family or my best friends. Damn, sometimes it feels like they are the ones who know me the least. Part of it could be the fact that I need a lot of time and comfort to open up when something is bothering me, when I am going through the hard time or have some issues. And even when I open up, it’s doesn’t feel like I do it completely – I always keep my deepest thoughts and feelings to myself. There’s so many things left in air. Unsaid.
It’s a weird feeling. I went through mild depressions during these past few years. Now I don’t feel like I’m there again, I’ve let myself get into that rut a few times and I think I’ve learned to be better to myself and lift myself up when things are not that good. So I try to occupy my mind and time with things that bring me joy, to be grateful and have a positive outlook on life. But man, sometimes it’s hard!
One thing I’ve also been reminding myself about is to allow myself to feel the feelings. I don’t think that suppressing or ignoring our emotions is good. Now I allow myself to be aware of my negative thought when they come up, acknowledge them and let them go. I cry when I feel like crying. I let myself be sad for a while and then lift myself up. But loneliness is something I’m not sure how to handle and deal with. Again, it’s not like I’m physically lonely, it’s a feeling. I’m trying to look on the bright side – I could learn to be more independent, to be a better friend to myself, haha. It could get me more clarity on what I want from life, to focus on my dreams and rely more on my intuition. It could push me out of my comfort zone and lead me to meeting new people.
To end this post I have to say that music and reading really helped me as well as spending time in nature. Writing posts on Steemit and interacting with people here also plays a big role in making me feel better. It’s always great to find like-minded people even if it’s an online world. When I read through your posts, stories, experiences, opinions and thoughts I feel like I’m not alone, I feel less like a weirdo that doesn’t fit in the “real world”, lol. Every time I come across something or someone I can relate to, it gives me a lot of positivity and hope. So I have to say, once again, thank you for being you, for being here and for all the inspiration and hope you give me, my dear fellow Steemians! :)
